Unfaithful Swingsets

This morning we woke up to a flood. Our (at least) yearly backyard flood from the creek behind our house struck again! We've seen it sweep away our play/swing sets last summer, but it didn't matter a whole bunch partly because we were in shock and also the kids weren't really old enough to enjoy it yet. But this morning, I was just short of devastated when I saw that our swing set had disappeared and our little plastic climber thing was wrapped around a tree next door. Unlike last time, this time around I'm not so naive to believe that our plastic swing set could survive an upheaval of that magnitude unharmed. We were able to repair the swing set to a point of reasonable safety the last time. This time I just really doubt we will find it in one piece.

*shaking my metaphorical fist* Darn you stupid rain! Darn you stupid flood! Darn you...playset. You stole my heart in one hundred moments of swinging and imagination and you didn't have the gumption to stay. I know it's a silly thing to be upset about, not to mention both pieces were generously handed down to us by friends. We haven't lost any money on our end, the flood didn't seep into our home. But that little booger of a swing set...when it sailed away it broke my little mommy heart. I tried so so hard to remind myself that we have so much to be grateful for, that in the big picture of the Kingdom our swing set is of little consequence, and that God is even sovereign over Lyric, Lily, and Fletcher's childhood (even if it does have to be swing less and that seems like a tragedy to me). But honestly, it wasn't until my husband turned his computer screen toward me and my coffee which was becoming cold, that I felt better. He found a swing set that we can afford in the relatively near future  and looks sturdy enough to be loyal to the family that dadgum loves it and gives it a home. Tsk tsk old swing set.

I hate that flood.

 ~and by the way I hate how freakishly long thunder rolls are around here...it just splits the nerves of us gals from Tornado Valley...at what point in world's longest thunder roll do I decide that wait...that is actually a tornado and I need to scoop three children from their beds upstairs and go hide in the basement? Oh wait....I would have been Dorothy-ed by that point. So. Annoying.~

But I've been relishing today's temperatures in the 70's on the first day of July and the sweet smells that permeated the air after the rain fell. I also finished a wonderful book today (the second one in two and half weeks, that's a record for me!) called A Broken Kind Of Beautiful. So today has had it's ups and downs. Now excuse me while I go hunt for a mangled swing set. 

Dear, New Parent

Is it just my “news” feed or has there been a humungous baby boom over the past few months? It seems like everyday there is another newborn and new parents to congratulate! That’s awesome. But with all the newness that comes with adding a member to your family….there are a lot of new things that parents just had no idea were waiting for them.  Alright, listen…no I mean….LIST-EN. This blog is meant to be wholly and completely ENCOURAGING.  I refuse….REFUSE…to take a stance or use this blog as a platform for my personal convictions to become some sort of judgment on other parents. After much much soul searching and conviction over the past 4 years I can honestly tell you that I DO NOT CARE HOW YOU BIRTH OR FEED YOUR CHILD. When I say “I don’t care” I mean I don’t publically or privately concern myself with your family’s decisions. I do care very much in the sense that a wonderful thing has happened in your life and I can’t wait to hear all about it as a friend. And I’m so happy that you found what works best for your family, that is indeed an exciting discovery! Now you that you know what this post is not, let’s get into what exactly this blog is.

Mommies and Daddies of new children,

Congratulations! I know you are so so overwhelmed by the love that just swelled out of your heart and all over your life recently. Whether this is your first baby or your fifth, whether your child came by way of biology or by adoption, whether your new child is a baby or a walking, talking, child with a mind of their own, life as you knew it has turned upside down! There are three things that I want to say to you, with my whole heart. First, even though you are totally overwhelmed by love you are probably also overwhelmed by the total recall of your old routines and lifestyle. It is ok and normal to feel those conflicting emotions! It isn’t selfish to miss the freedom and sleep that isn’t readily available to you right now. Now that you are a parent you will forever live in this vortex of tension and conflicting emotions and desires. The vortex is your home now, embrace it. Seriously though, learn to live with a balance of continual sacrifice and continual blessing. And it is a balance, because if you martyr yourself for the sake of giving your child everything, you will find yourself at a breaking point and your child spoiled with an entitled view of life. If you continue to treat yourself as #1 and treat your children as accessories for your life, you’ll miss out and raise defeated children who chase love from other people because they grow tired of seeking it from you. Learn to accept the balancing act. You will come to count the minutes until bedtime and hold your breath until they sleep, but then you’ll sneak in their room and risk it all just to kiss their adorable little sleepy cheeks. The more you welcome the tension (versus fight it), the more content you will be. But all of us out here in the world of mommies and daddies know what you are feeling and we have all felt the same way! Becoming a mom or dad is a huge adjustment! Continue to nurture your marriage and your relationship with God, secure in the fact that strength from those relationships will propel you as a new parent. Do not ever fool yourself into believing that cutting corners in your walk with God or your spouse will give you more time or energy to be a parent.

My second piece of advice is this (mainly for mommas): DO NOT allow yourself to get sucked into pinterest, instagram, and facebook. Social media and the like have been the down fall of many a mother. First of all, most of us are posting the highlights of our day. The HIGHlights, not the low moments, not the boring moments—the best moments. Don’t compare yourself to that junk. Comparison is TOXIC. Listen to the women and married couples in your life that you love and respect, but don’t go on an unending search for the approval of all your friends. Trust me, living for others is exhausting and joy-stealing. Don’t read peoples rants online about the best yada yada and the only way to do so&so. People have been having kids and screwing it up for a very very long time. You know who got it right though? Yep. The one and only perfect parent-child relationship is the one we observe between God and Jesus. By grace we are invited in to receive the perfect Father in God, but we are far from perfect sons. “And from his fullness we have received grace upon grace.” (John 1:16) Walk in light and enjoy the richness of a life spent knowing Jesus. Continually come to the table for grace upon grace and you will be satisfied.

My third little tid bit to impart is simply this: You will sleep again. It does get easier. I promise. We’ve been there!

Winter Waiting

Made it! By the skin of my teeth I made it. From now on I promise to write a post when it’s below freezing, except on Mondays. My weekend = Mondays. That’s my man’s day off, so for the next freezing Mondays let’s just call it a happy surprise if there is a post, k?

So when I took to finding anything else wintery that I am thankful for…I came up with a big fat nothing. But when I remembered that I promised I would write about something good that comes from winter, I came up with this…

Waiting. Waiting sucks, but waiting is good. (yea people it sucks, and I’m allowed to say that now and if you want refined writing check back during spring. Oh also, check back when I’m no longer on a 30 day whole foods only cleanse, I might have a bit more snark until then.) Waiting is not ever ever easy. Waiting is hard, but it’s engrained into every part of our lives. Sometimes we try to force things to happen now now now, but that’s not how God intended it. Look for like a millisecond at the Bible and you will find lots of waiting. Waiting for freedom, waiting for children, waiting for a Savior, waiting is what makes the true stories of the Gospel so compelling.

Here’s one thing waiting is not. Waiting is not a cliché little game that God plays with you to make the end result “better.” I hate that. I hate when people tell a mommy without a baby that her waiting will just make her love her future child that much more. I hate when people casually tell singles that if they get good at waiting the right way, that God will give them their soul mate “when they least expect it.” I hate it when a hurting person is disregarded because “they just need to be patient.” Waiting is good, but it isn’t easy and it isn’t a game. Waiting is personal and hard.

Here’s how we are blessed in the midst of waiting. We are blessed with the opportunity to press in with all our might to the One who ends waiting. Through waiting we can connect with the longing with which all of creation waited for the Son of God to arrive. When we wait with our whole entire heart thrown into a trusting and authentic relationship with Jesus, we come to know Jesus and experience his love in rich and emaculate ways. When we wait we are forced to learn the one lesson that, given the choice, we’d never choose to learn. We learn the gift of contentment. We learn that contentment is the only thing that makes sense in the light of all that we have gained, once we have gained salvation.

Waiting for the wretched awful winter to finally stinking end, will not make the spring better but the way that I wait will determine the quality of my life now, today. Because today, I wait.

F is for Fletcher and Faith

It’s Fletcher’s first birthday, but I’m the one who got the gift. He is the most amazing little child, and in his infectious smile I see the gift of faith. I had never questioned or doubted or feared the way that I did when I found out I was pregnant with him just four months after having Lily. I had trusted God with my life and knew he was good, but until that point His plan had matched up with mine pretty well. But not this time. This time I was confronted with a question: “Do I believe that God really knows what is best for my life?” I don’t think I did. It seemed impossible that having 3 kids under 3 would be a life that I’d love.

I’m so gloriously glad that I was wrong. I was so wrong. Fletcher is the happiest, sweetest, most adorable and loving gift. He shows me every single day that it truly is best to throw myself into the faith that God has wonderful things planned for us. His little life symbolizes just how fervently I can trust God with my future. He shows me how wrong and how ridiculous it is to worry. He shows me that through Christ all things are possible, even happiness in a life with 3 toddlers. He shows me that God won’t abandon me, even when I’m at my most entitled and selfish. Fletcher broke down the walls of my heart and opened me up to gratefulness and freedom. Fletcher showed me how wrong the world is about children and never to give ear to scoffers. He revealed that even with the best intentions, advice or counsel apart from the (sometimes hard) truths of the bible are lies. He showed me that “I’ll be glad they are so close one day” is a belief that cheats me out of the joy I have in our kids being so close in age right now. There is not a member of our family whose presence did not change me for the better. I’m a rich woman.

           

Fletcher is literally the happiest person I have ever been around. He is so smiley and sweet and loves to make eye contact and then just giggle or wiggle. He has the most chubby little cheeks even though he barely has one tiny roll on his ankles and wrists. He loves to wave with both hands and clap. He already has some pretty cute little dance moves and takes a few steps. I love watching him follow his brother and sister around and he usually doesn’t cry when they try to force him to walk.  He is our sweet, happy, playful puppy boy.

I'm Aching

 Any person in the Midwest is ready for spring at this point. Now take a couple of Texans and plop them into this never-ending frozen tundra. We are ACHING for spring.  When I stare out our back windows and imagine what glory the spring will bring, I could cry. I could seriously cry. In the spring my kids and I can exercise together by going on long walks to the park from the bike path behind our house, we can have play dates out on our deck and in our huge yard, I will finally have 100% of my children old enough to take advantage of our huge yard, Austin and I can sit out on the deck with the fire pit going and read and talk while the sun sets, we can invite “after bedtime” guests to relax on the deck and enjoy the awesome lighting Austin put up last summer, we can take mini road trips to visit friends who live a couple hours away, we can go play at all the free fun Chicago places with our kids….the list never ends. When I think about spring my heart just breaks with anticipation. I love spring so much, I just want it to be here already.

What if I wanted God the way I wanted spring? What if I ached for time with Him with the same anticipation? What if I put all my future hopes on the promise of the bright future He will surely bring? I know I love the Lord. But sometimes I take something as trite as springtime and I think to myself (and…sometimes I maybe say it out loud to every mom of littles I run into) “Once it’s spring everything will be better.” I want to have the same hope and faith and gratitude for the one who made spring, the God who is only good and has only a disposition of goodness and love toward me. I want to have that deep assurance that through Christ, all things are possible, even happiness in winter. I want to live in the faith that in the fullness of His love there is life…but actually really really live that out. Lately, I’ve been living as if it’s ok to be half empty and run down because it’s really really cold out. I’ve been living like all I need is a few consecutive warm days and I could have joy. When the truth is, no matter how cliché it sounds, all I need is Jesus. I’m making the decision. I’m replacing my ache for spring with an ache for steadfast joy, with an ache for Jesus. If you are physically living in the frozen tundra as I am, join me in my quest for joy! If you are stuck in a season of life that is bitterly cold, I’m so sorry and I’ve been there. Know that Christ offers warmth in seasons of mourning and darkness and difficulty that far exceed the frigid wind of life whipping around you. You WILL feel the sun on your skin again. Until then bundle up with the Word of God and find treasures hidden in the snow, they are there. I promise.

Pinterest Fail #RealLifeIsBetter

Oh Pinterest, it’s such a valuable, enriching, worthwhile use of time, and a great resource. It’s a resource, but we have made it so much more. Pinterest has become the framework from which our style is shaped, our weddings are planned, our children are raised, our dinners are cooked, our marriages are nurtured, our crafts are created, and our homes are designed. A few of those things are really really great. However, when it comes to the most valuable parts of life sometimes we find ourselves using Pinterest as a crutch instead of as an added resource and unnecessary benefit. Don’t let Pinterest be your marriage counselor, don’t let pinterest be the wise friend you need, don’t let pinterest be your daily dose of scripture. Dig deep and do the hard work in your marriage and bring in biblical counselors if needed, don’t rely on a blogger’s top ten date nights or cute little quotes. Seek true friends who will pursue the Lord and give you advice based on the overflow of wisdom they receive from scripture. Read the bible; read it for yourself in the full context of the passage and read it with the aid of a dictionary and study bible or commentary. Don’t be afraid of going deep and studying and learning when you spend time with God.

Don’t cheat yourself.

Pinterest in addition to real life and real relationships is such a great thing. We cannot get this the other way around. I know this sounds so dramatic and so serious…I mean, it’s Pinterest. But how often do you hear the phrase “I saw on Pinterest” or “I was reading on Pinterest” or “I got it off Pinterest.” Now let’s pause, (as we usually do here on the ole blog when I’m getting ahead of myself and onto a passionate rant) I think that Pinterest really is great. I get giddy on the few occasions that my posts have been “pinned,” and I too have found some really wonderful and smart bloggers via Pinny (yep that’s a nickname folks). But we’ve all experienced Pinterest fails. For me, it was the crinkle cut fries on the grill (by the way, if you love me you’ll leave a comment about your Pinterest fails! Misery loves company and all that.). Well, ladies—Pinterest is failing you yet again. Pinterest is teaching us really bad theology. Like REALLY bad. I typically steer away from putting my sights on specific targets for the blog, but this one is an exception. Based one how many women pin this particular pin…I can’t not say this. And this is a popular pin…so I might just offend your socks off. But here we go…

These pins are misleading, Pinterest is teaching us to choose a stand alone verse and make it what we want it to be. For example: this verse is not a girly girl special lady verse about being a woman. I know it seems that way. But the “she” in this verse is the people of God and the Church through Christ! And doesn’t that make so much more sense? Go read the entire chapter of Psalm 46. See? And isn’t that an awesome picture of God’s gracious presence to His people? If you are a believer, then take joy in your inclusion! But let’s be careful to not cross the line and make verse into something different than what it really is.

If you want a sweet reminder of God's promises and love for you, read God's word. You don't have to depend on a few random verses that someone else read and then posted. You can experience the abundance of God's grace and faithfulness for yourself and in its entirety and correct context. It's not like finding a needle in a hay stack. God's goodness toward you IS the haystack. It's hard NOT to find personal and precious and deliberate scripture. So stop cheating yourself. Stop letting Pinterest form your theology. Read God's word consistently and fully, read verses in the context of the passage they were written in. You will not regret handling the Word of God with purpose and intentionality.

*I used the ESV Study Bible along the website biblehub.cc for study guidance while working on this post.

Mine

The clouds pour out all they contain. The trees dance and bow down under command of the wind. The light is radical. The sound is all encompassing. All this… is just the earth’s worship of the One who is infinitely bigger and better and stronger and softer. And more fiercely than the strongest storm, and more gently than the most delicate petal of the most beautiful lily He says,

You

Are

Mine

Words so precious and so sweet. Words that are a promise, a declaration, a future.

At some point you have longed to have someone to whom you belong. You’ve yearned for someone to call you theirs. Whether a child yearning for a parent to love and protect them, or a single longing to have those words sweetly whispered by a soul mate. “You’re mine.” What could be sweeter? Could one word be more precious? MINE.

MINE can be ugly too, though. So selfish, so narrow minded, so short sighted, so hateful. It all changes with the heart of the one who speaks it.

Let God sing those words over you. Don’t white knuckle your life. You belong to someone.

MOVE: Normal to Healthful Part 2

In part one of this post, I shared with you the spiritual and emotional aspect of changing from a normal lifestyle to a healthful one. I should pause here and give some explanation to "normal" and my use of the word "healthful." My eating habits have never been just belligerently bad.  I've never driven through any given drive thru and ordered multiples of what was intended as a full meal, I've never drank my way through a full pack of anything, I've never made myself sick from over eating. All that to say...I have been a true normal American with a diet of cheese (my favorite), red meat (my favorite), and (my favorite) lots o' carbs. None of these things by themselves is inherently evil...but these with virtually no fruits, veggies, or other forms of protein...not good. In our culture, it is really normal to eat massive portion sizes and to disregard the health benefits of food and only think about how much we like the taste. Nothing about this approach to food is fueling; everything about it is normal.  I wish I had the ability to whip up a really informative and yet super cool looking pie graph and plate diagram illustration type thingy...but I'm a writer, so I'll stick with my words. 

I love the use of the word "healthful" to describe our lifestyle (also, take note that I am talking about a lifestyle and not a diet). Healthful is such a positive word that means beneficial to health, body and/or mind. Being healthy is not depleting, it's replenishing. I LOVE that one of the synonyms for the word "healthful" is the word "restorative." Restorative. What a great word. Most of us want restoration, yes? But most of us don't know where to start. I'm by no means a nutrionist, a dietician, a doctor, or a personal trainer....I'm just a person who changed the decisions I made, and I feel way better for it. So the deal with this post is that I tell you what I did and how/why it helped me. Maybe you try it and maybe you don't. My hope is that either way this post is restorative for your body and soul and you leave feeling energized. 

As much as I'm not going to push my personal eating habits on you, I would be remiss if I didn't emphasize the conviction I have about pursing health. I want to be very clear (especially as someone who has known the struggle of body image issues) that this conviction is not about weight or looking good. I realize that some will take the challenge to fitness and health more seriously than others. I realize that for some of us it’s even a fun thing. Some people love challenging themselves to train harder, run faster, and grow stronger and some people want to be healthful purely as the means to an end for an energy filled, full, God glorifying life. Everyone has different goals; you don’t have to go crazy if that isn’t your thing. Addressing the urgency of health is a tricky thing because it’s not as simple as “if you aren’t healthy you’re a glutton.” With that being said, I think I can simply say that deep down you know whether you are sinning in a gluttonous lifestyle. I know that looking back I have definitely gone through some phases of gluttony and I was always aware of it at some level and chose to ignore it. If you are under the impression that maintaining good health is optional....you are mistaken.  I'm even going to say something that won't be popular and that you don't hear often. If we disregard the seriousness of our gluttony, we are disregarding the seriousness of our sin. 

Well….so much for keeping the spiritual aspect in part 1. I can’t help myself I just believe the two are utterly connected at the core.

Five things I did and one question that made healthful living not suck

1. Trading

2. Worth it list

3. Have a good supply of food

4. Special occasions 

5. Doing it together

*Am I fully grasping the honor it is to live and walk as one that has been given the image of my Lord?

Trading: Make trades, not sacrifices. If you have the mind set that you are getting nothing in return then you won’t enjoy your health. Did I stop eating my chicken fried, my bread white, and my soda non-diet? Sure. Did I stop with my beloved late night sweets? Of course. Am I missing out on anything? Not really. I've eaten better food (and by that I mean yummier), enjoyed cooking, and gotten outside the box more in the last two months than I think I have in my entire life. I'm still eating such great delicious food. It's just driven by lean protein, herbs/spices, and vegetables. I'm eating real food, and I'm eating it like a real adult. If you love french fries, make roasted sweet potatoes. If you love mexican food, replace queso with fresh salsa...being healthy doesn't have to taste like cardboard. 

Worth-it List: Pretty self explanatory, but I will elaborate on it anyway. The worth-it list is (my husband’s idea) a small list of foods that you love so much and get to frequent so rarely, that it is truly worth the extra calories when the opportunity arises. I'll give you some examples of my worth-it list (and simultaneously share all my favorite Texan cuisine): Uncle Julio's, Blue Bell Ice Cream, Whataburger breakfast taquitos, Fred's Texas Cafe, Tillman's Roadhouse chicken fried steak, Babe's Chicken, Five Guys Burgers & Fries, Wing Stop original hot wings, Esperanza's migas, Chuy's deluxe chicken enchiladas, and Ellerbee. I know that seems like a lot for one list, but you have to keep in mind that the closest of these places is an hour and half away, and most of them are much much further.

Have a good supply of food: Don't hold back when it comes to stocking your fridge and pantry! Hunger is the biggest enemy to healthy eating. What I mean is that if you don't have healthy options available, then when dinnertime comes it is so much easier to grab drive thru. I try to make sure I have ingredients for about 4-5 meals a week and then eat leftovers on the other nights. I also make sure to have plenty of options for healthy snacks. Some of our household favorites are hummus and veggies, whole wheat tortilla and salsa (great for pre or post work out), raw almonds, Pirate Booty (it’s so good and feeds my chip craving, plus the serving size is plentiful!), fruit, and apples with peanut butter (sub almond butter for a leaner option). For those of you looking for some healthy meal recipes that you can trust (Pinterest is great, but it comes with no gurantees. Can I get an amen?) be watching for the “Healthful” page that will soon be added to this blog.

Special Occasions: If you are getting married, having a baby, celebrating a birthday, or having a party to commemorate a holiday—I’m gonna eat ya grub! But the key is keeping small serving sizes and if there are healthy options stock up on that first and then treat yourself by splitting dessert or having a tiny portion of queso cheese dip. Don’t be that guy who is a stick in the mud and won’t have a piece of wedding cake. Nobody likes that guy. What ever you do, absolutely do not graze! I think we all know that hanging right by the queso and chips is a bad thing for those of us who might be extremely addicted to said heavenly cheese amazingness.

Doing It Together: Not everyone has the luxury of jumping into a healthy lifestyle change with a partner. If you have a friend, family member, or significant other that will be strong with you…it does help. Until these choices are a habit for you it is an adjustment. You can help each other choose healthy alternatives, and you can also cheer each other on and go to celebrate goals achieved with frozen yogurt (instead of ice cream).

So those are the things that softened the blow as far as making changes. Here are some of the changes that I made…

Carbs- whole wheat only, drastically cut the amount I was eating and try to limit the carbs to days that I work out. (carbs for work out= fuel, carbs sitting on idle = sugar = fat)

Serving sizes- make sure that you are reading the nurtional facts of what you eat. Even healthy foods can be fattening if you eat too much of them. Check the serving size and try to stick to it. (having a small kitchen scale is helpful)

Lean meats and veggies- center most meals around this model.

Coconut oil cooking spray- instead of butter and oil I use this. I still use extra virgin olive oil when needed.

No more pasta!- for Austin it's just not “worth it” for me it is just too tempting to go nuts. In place of pasta we do spaghetti squash and I love it!

Experimenting- fruits and vegetables bring great flavor as well as herbs and spices. You don’t have to rely on butter, cheese, and sugar to make food taste great. You might have to relearn how to cook, but I have found it's actually pretty fun. And I found some foods that I actually really love (like sweet potatoes and bell peppers) that I thought I didn’t really care for in the past.

Cravings- accept the reality that every meal you eat will not satisfy your every craving. And now that I think about it, since cutting out fried and fatty foods (for the most part) I rarely find myself craving them.

Set goals- you decide. For me, it was a certain amount of weight and some specific and reachable work out goals.

I will periodically be posting recipes or tips on the healthful page. I hope you feel encouraged and maybe a little more equipped to be healthful! 

MOVE: My New Best Friend

“Today I marry my best friend and love of my life!”

We’ve probably all said that or heard it. For me, the latter was absolutely true on the day of our wedding. Austin was and still is the love of my life. And while at the time, I thought of him as my best friend, the reality was that Austin was one of my best friends. I spent most of my time with him, he was the only one I cried in front of, he both challenged and encouraged me, I trusted him, I loved sharing adventures with him, I could totally be myself both serious and silly. But he still wasn’t my BEST friend. Of all of my friends he was not the one and only best. The truth was, I withheld most of my spiritual life from him and almost never worked through conflict openly and honestly with my husband. I shared my spiritual life freely with my journal and a couple of my best girlfriends, and only when I absolutely had to with Austin. (I know you are wondering why not? We will get to that.) When there were issues or conflict that needed to be addressed between Austin and I, I would communicate through them with perfect clarity….again to my girlfriends. Once I had talked it through with the one or two gal pals I trusted, I would feel great. I had resolved why I felt angry or hurt and what I hoped would be different in the future…all with a friend who had absolutely nothing to do with that conflict. There was only one little problem…nothing was being resolved between my husband and me.

Two major things changed that have taken my husband from being among my best friends, to standing far above them as my very best friend, soul mate, and kindred spirit. This major transition has enriched our marriage with more unity, peace and joy than I ever imagined and certainly more than I ever knew was missing.

I became very convicted that by not sharing my spiritual life with Austin I was not allowing myself to be completely vulnerable and transparent with him. And for me that’s what both issues came down to by the way, good ole vulnerability. (I still kind of cringe at the word…but I’ve come a long way.) My lack of vulnerability, transparency, and ultimately trust; seeped over into other areas (why it was awkward for me to compliment him or why I felt like my walk with the Lord was inexplicably stagnant, just to name a couple). Without sharing the convictions, confessions, and praises of my life with the one whom I promised to love and live with every single day, I put up walls with the one person I should have been sharing the deepest fellowship with. I could tell you that all the sudden I just changed the way I functioned and it rocked…but that would be a lie. What really happened was that I forced myself to share spiritual things with Austin and when I did I felt totally awkward and stupid. But Austin noticed and was so sweet and always listened and encouraged me and never made me regret it. Over time it became more natural, it still isn’t always the easiest thing for me, but I mean it was a transition not a complete rewire.

I think the hugest (yep hugest) part of the transition from having several besties to my one best friend (Austin) and several close girlfriends, was the way that I communicated with Austin about us. I think that this part is the most important part because this is a change that many married and especially young married couples neglect. I know we did. The reason communicating through issues was so difficult was because all the communicating was going from me to a girlfriend and then only occasionally making its way to Austin in bits and pieces. I was still able to keep up walls, instead of letting them down and being honest with him, not to mention taking ownership for my own shortcomings. I trusted my girlfriends, and since they were newlyweds as well they understood. It genuinely makes me sad to recall the way that I would talk about Austin, never totally trashing him, but just painting him as someone I was opposed to rather than fighting along side of. It was kind of like, my girlfriends were on my side and we were all just trying to struggle through the early times of our marriage and sometimes that meant struggling against our husbands. I think those times with my friends always came from a good place, but not a mature or biblical place. Don’t get me wrong, marriage, especially early on, is hard and you don’t always feel like you and your spouse get along perfectly or conflict in the most healthy way—but that is something you should grow through as a couple. It took us moving across the country and me losing accessibility to all my gal pals, for me to learn this. The learning curve became much shorter when I literally did not have anyone else but Austin. I’m so thankful that God changed our path. We had been married two and half years and the way were going was working…kinda…for that short period of time, but in the long run we were setting ourselves up for failure. I’ve seen ONLY benefits of keeping issues about us between us. (There does come a time when using a mediator is necessary for some, but we have to learn to keep things open between husband and wife first and then to bring a helper into the scene when your at an impasse and need some wise counsel as a couple.) If you are like me, you still need your time to cool down and process and reflect, but the next step is vital. Things really changed for me when I made my next step communicating and reconciling with Austin with a soft heart. I love how things have changed between us. There is nothing that I avoid talking about with Austin because everything is open and we are totally united. He knows what things are hardest for me in our marriage and what things I’m strongest in. He knows when I’m hurt and challenges me when I start to shut down. No matter how much I love my close girl friends, no advice or understanding they offered could ever compare to the oneness I share with Austin. I still talk about our marriage with my friends, but it is just so much better to talk about things that are resolved and out in the open with Austin. Everything is prioritized correctly and given the right role in my life, and it feels so great. It’s so freeing!

If you find yourself dying to talk with a girlfriend about all your “issues,” I want to encourage you to take whatever steps you have to take to reverse that pattern. When your spouse truly truly is your best friend, you will be amazed how much better your entire marriage is. Go shopping or out to coffee or get a pedi with your girlfriends…that’s what they are for…but save all the intimate and personal stuff for your one and only beloved.

His mouth is most sweet, 

and he is altogether desirable.

This is my beloved and this is my friend,

O daughters of Jerusalem.

Song of Solomon 5:16 ESV

Precious Is The Flow: Good Friday

Has there ever been anything in your life that is so wonderful and so cherished that you are just dying to tell everyone, but at the same time it's so personal and so deep that you know that you could never do it justice? That's where I'm at with this Good Friday post. This year it is just hitting me in a real sacred, inner deep deep heart kind of way--clearly I can't really describe it. All I can manage is this:

Precious Precious Precious

Sacred and Holy is the blood that was spilled...for me.

In the last moments, He forgave me.

Who am I that I should be so deeply loved?

How great our God to be capable of such complete and full forgiveness even while enduring torture and mockery at my hand.

Seize the [Palm Sun]day!

Today is the first day of Passion Week. If you have followed my blog, you know that I love and I mean LOVE Easter. It's my favorite holiday.

Every year on Palm Sunday I find myself admiring the very first followers of Christ, those who were there to welcome Jesus by waving palms and shouting "Hosanna!" They believed that this man from Galilee would be their king. They believed he was worth worshipping unashamedly. They seized the moment to praise him and show him honor. I'm sure that some people looked at the crowd greeting Jesus as a bunch of crazies. I'm sure that it wasn't popular to praise the name of Jesus. But those who knew of his works and his teachings and choose to follow him, they participated in an act of worship that we still recognize today. They seized the moment and praised his name. Can you imagine it? And just to think...they didn't even know the half of what he would do. In the moment of their worship He had not yet died and been resurrected as the substitute for all of mankind. The best was yet to come. I would hope that I would have been one of the believers in that moment. I would hope that knowing what the scriptures taught and recognizing the greatness of the humble man of Jesus would have been enough to captivate my attention, heart, and life.

Many of them expected him to rise as a military and political leader and king. The stage was set; expectations were in place. Something great was going to happen in a matter of days. No one knew it then, but their expectations would be shaken and very far exceeded. And to think it was all just around the corner.

The next day the large crowd that had come to the feast heard that Jesus was coming to Jerusalem. 13 So they took branches of palm trees and went out to meet him, crying out, “Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord, even the King of Israel!” 14 And Jesus found a young donkey and sat on it, just as it is written,

15“Fear not, daughter of Zion;

behold, your king is coming,

sitting on a donkey's colt!”

16 His disciples did not understand these things at first, but when Jesus was glorified, then they remembered that these things had been written about him and had been done to him. 17 The crowd that had been with him when he called Lazarus out of the tomb and raised him from the dead continued to bear witness. 18 The reason why the crowd went to meet him was that they heard he had done this sign. 19 So the Pharisees said to one another, “You see that you are gaining nothing. Look, the world has gone after him.” (John 12:12-19, ESV)

When God Opens Doors

In my mind today begins springtime. I had a glorious night of sleep, and woke up happily (which doesn't ever happen) and today the high is 50. So even though it will be cold again in a day or two, and even though I probably won't be sleeping through the night again for a while, I'm going to embrace it today! 

This morning as I was reading through Acts (more like re-reading what I read through far too quickly to catch up with my bible study at church), something really small stuck out to me in a really big way. I was reading Acts 12, which is largely centered on Peter’s imprisonment and escape/rescue. I’ve read this before; it was not a new story to me. But verse 10 held my attention this time.

            [10] When they had passed the first and the second guard, they came to the iron gate leading into the city. It opened for them of its own accord, and they went out and went along one street, and immediately the angel left him.

(Acts 12:10 ESV)

The iron gate opened of its own accord. This ­ made me think of when people talk about God opening doors in their life. This seems like where that analogy must have started. But before the gate opened an angel came and gave Peter VERY specific instructions.

1.   Get up quickly

2. Dress yourself

3. Wrap your cloak around you and follow me

4. Then the gate opened for Peter

Applied to my life, I think this would look like…

1.   Be ready. Whether sleeping or awake, always be ready.

2.  Arm yourself, equip yourself with the necessities: A relationship with             Christ, sensitivity to Holy Spirit, knowledge of God’s word.

3.   Do what you need to do to be able to follow well so that you don’t have to worry. Like a cloak, wrap yourself in God’s protection so that you don’t have to worry when the time comes.

This escape from prison struck me especially because an open door doesn’t always indicate God’s will in your life, as it did for Peter here. Later in Acts 16 we see another set of prison doors miraculously opened for Paul and Silas. It would have been so easy for them to take that miracle as God’s will and provision for them to escape. After all, the earthquake that shook open the doors happened while Paul and Silas were in the middle of prayer and worship. But instead—but instead it was God’s will for them to stay and persevere and sacrifice so that the jailer would come to know the Truth and be saved. It was God’s will for those doors to open, but it was equally God’s will for them to stay and not walk through those open doors. Later they were released, but not nearly as dramatically or supernaturally (so it seems).

So how did Paul and Silas know that they should stay put?

1. They knew the Lord intimately.

2.  They did not receive instructions to leave.

3. Leaving would have brought harm to their guard.

4.   Staying meant seizing the opportunity to share the gospel with the guard and his entire household. It meant making the most of the relationships in their lives at that moment.

But for Peter—he was just sleeping. It would be simpler to believe that God was rewarding the ones who stayed up worshiping and praying. It doesn’t really make sense that Peter gets rescued, but the others don’t. But God isn’t simple. He doesn’t work the way we work. 

How did Peter know it was God’s will to escape?

1.   He received specific instructions.

2.    He wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or not, but choose to follow God’s instruction regardless. He followed one step at a time. Once he awoke and had in fact been rescued from prison, he said “Now I am sure…the Lord rescued me” (v11)

 When it comes down to it, there is no easy answer or formula for knowing what God’s will is for your life. God doesn’t open doors based on what it seems like we deserve. God is not limited to the simplicity of our minds. We can’t discern God’s will based on what we would do if we were Him. We can only discern God’s will by the power of the Holy Spirit and God’s word and familiarity with His character. At a moment’s notice we may be called to go or we may have to make a split second decision to stay. Just because a door is open in front of us, doesn’t mean that walking through that door is what we are being called to.

The bottom line is this: Am I equally ready? Ready to make an escape? Ready to stay put?

And baby makes 4! (or 5, or more!)

I'm flattered to announce that I have been awarded a Liebster blog award! It is an informal nomination from other bloggers, but one I will gladly accept. I now have to nominate 3 blogs under 3,000 followers that I would like to nominate for the Liebster, so be looking for that at the end of this post. 

On the heels of my blog posts about our unexpected third pregnancy, I thought this would be a great time to write about the transition from one kid to multiple kids. I'm sure I'll have even more to say on the subject after Fletcher joins us at home. For now I mainly wanted to touch on some practical things, but lots of emotional elements of adding kids too. I can't tell you how many of my friends (both real and through social media) are pregnant, adopting, or looking to foster their second child.  For those of my friends coming up on their due dates its a time filled with emotions both happy and sad, nervous and excited. This time last year, I was so ready to have Lily, I wanted to meet her so badly, I was so excited to have a little girl, and anticipating seeing Lyric in his role as big brother. At the same time I was nervous because I was afraid that somehow by bringing a new baby home I would not have as much attention for Lyric or love for Lily. I was sad that my special time with Lyric was ending and I thought our relationship would never be the same. I did realize that Lyric, by being the first born, was the only kid who would ever know what it was like not to share me with any siblings. Some of the things that helped me with the transition were things that other moms helped me see, some things that God gave me to live by, and some things that I just picked up along the way. Because this post is specifically written for those of you who already have at least one kiddo, I’ll do it in outline form. ;)

Great Expectations- Setting realistic expectations is the key to embracing most big changes in life, as you know if you have been married for longer than a few months. Use your mind, not your emotions. Don’t let Pinterest set the standard for your expectations. Let God’s word and character shape the desires of your heart. Expect to be emotional for a bit, expect there to be at least a little chaos, expect “survival mode” and not much more. If you are one of those moms who can still cook and clean and bring a newborn into the family, great for you. Most of us aren’t that mom, most of us will survive and in a few weeks/months we will return to thriving in a state of routine and a resemblance of order in our homes.

The Beloved Firstborn(s)- I think a lot of us get scared, nervous, and overly sentimental about the last months, weeks, and days we have to pour out all our love and attention on our first little ones (if you are wondering about the plural nature of these first ones, its for my girl Camie and all you mommies of twins) Even preparing for our third born I find myself a little torn over wishing I had more time to get to know Lily and excitement to welcome Fletcher to our fold. But the truth is, that even though you will be distracted in the first week or two, you will very quickly acclimate and have just as much attention and love for your older child. If you are a little sad because you are afraid things will never be the same, you are right. Life will never ever be the same it WILL be better. As much chaos as there has been, as many bad days, as many times as I’ve had two crying little ones on my hands…I have never ever wished for the way things used to be. (And don’t worry, the bad days are still far out numbered by good days!) Our family is so much better and richer and complex and laughy and silly and deeper because of Lily. And honestly, your oldest will also always be the furthest developed, and as a result will still get tons of your attention and play time. Plus, just remember the only child who ever knows what its like not to share you is the firstborn. All the other kids to come won’t even know that reality, its more normal to share you than not to. (Unless you only have one kid, in that case…why are you still reading this post? …I tease…but seriously)

“How will I do it?”- I think that every mom bringing home a newbie asks herself this question, regardless of how many she has brought home before. This is a question that pops into my mind sporadically. Well honestly, with this current pregnancy being such a shock, this question was just about the only thing on my mind for the first two months. I’ve dealt with it, but it still sneaks in every once in awhile. Just remember, there was a time in your life when you didn’t know how to be a spouse, there was a time when you didn’t know how to do pregnancy or birth or adoption, there was a time when you didn’t know what to do with a baby/toddler/kid—but it worked out, and it is probably still working itself out. When this question was swirling around my head on nights that I couldn’t sleep I thought that I had to have an actual answer. Then one day someone asked me in all seriousness how we were going to do it…that was when I realized, there is not an answer you can give yourself or anyone else. The answer is—we will give ourselves grace, take advice of those who have gone before (with a tablespoon of salt), and we will have faith that God planned this for our family so He will direct our paths and sustain us to walk it.

Should I Stay or Should I Go- Sometimes you need to hunker down and know that a bigger family sometimes means more limitations. You can’t get out and do stuff as easily as you could with no kids, or one, etc etc. But just as there are times when you need to just say no and stay home, the opposite also applies. Sometimes I catch myself feeling down for no reason and to top it off the kids are grumpy and awnry. Then I realize…oh yea we haven’t left the house in four days! That’s when we make a play date, or go to Chickfila, or Target, or the park or library. Sometimes, your house starts to close in on you, then its time to get outta there! After the first month Lily was born, I was ready to be a little more active and the kids needed something too. So I loaded up the double stroller and twice a day went on a 30-minute walk. It was great for me and wonderful for them. It wasn't always easy, but so worth it!

Mommies, the biggest thing I can emphasize is this: Don’t listen to others when they say “wow you’ll be busy!” or “yea now just imagine this [tantrum, shopping, really any activity] with one more kid!” or “yea it will be really hard for awhile, but one day you’ll be glad.” Do listen to your husband and your kids. Commit to turning to God’s word before you turn to any other book or blog for help. Stay near to the one who created your growing family; you don’t need to be anxious. Everything else will work itself out.

I feel that to be really honest I should share that this blog took a few days to write, because…well sometimes I had to stop writing and read my advice back to myself ;)

So I am supposed to nominate blogs with less than 3,000 followers. I can't do that. What I will do is share my favorite favorite blogs in my feed:

http://www.babywisemom.com
http://morninggrunge.wordpress.com
http://notyetfully.blogspot.com