Thursday, October 25, 2012

Is that a second line?!

Alright it's time. You know what I'm talking about. The pregnancy post. I announced that we had been surprised to find out we are expecting another baby due exactly one year and ten days after our daughter Lily was born. Surely, there are things to be said...or written. And here it is.

So, I've been going around and around in my head trying to think of the best way to say this--but regardless of how I put it, it's awkward. So without giving any details...just know that I had been very anxiously awaiting June 21st--so that I could take a pregnancy test. I knew that there was a chance that I was pregnant, and I was trying my very hardest to convince myself that I was not pregnant and life would play out as planned. I mean really, what are the odds that one...urhh uhh, anyway what were the odds that I could be pregnant? Had to be low. HAD TO BE. I had finally grown a real love for running, and I was training to run a 5k and making plans for the Turkey Trot in Fort Worth when we went down to Texas for a visit. I was losing weight, feeling so healthy, loving being the only person using my body; life was good. In my mind, being pregnant at the time would be the worst possible timing ever...EVER. At the time I thought that, even though I had faced some really tough days, I had my self image issues and battles under control. I was active, starting to see signs of my old body, so proud of myself for the hard work I was doing and the healthy habits I was building. I was so convinced that surely I would not be pregnant-- that Austin and I traded in our minivan (which was regardless, a good thing since the mileage was getting high) and we got a Ford Edge (no third row, keep that in mind). One week later I bought a box of pregnancy tests at Walgreens, only so that I could rule out the possibility and go eat sushi with a clear conscience. In fact, I was so absolutely sure that I was not pregnant, that in that little trip to Walgreens I paid for three things. 1. Pregnancy tests 2. a box of cheap combs (I have a toddler obsessed with combs and I'm a southern lady so clearly, my hair is teased on a regular basis) 3. contraception. That poor cashier had to ring up two things that very much contradict one another. I'm sure that she was thinking one of two things, either she had a crazy woman on her hands (yup) or she was dealing with one super promiscuous woman. I mean seriously, who does that? What woman in her right mind buys both pregnancy tests and contraception together? The box said results up to 6 days early. I was still 8 days early, but I was desperate so I went ahead and took the test. Surprise surprise, the test was negative. Life was good. My parents and sisters would be in town for a visit in three days (so if you are counting, that means that I could accurately take the next test the day before they arrived). I continued running and exercising the hardest I ever had (you should know that I have never been the athletic type). I was not just loving the current state I was in...I absolutely relished every single minute of it. Two more days pass, one of them when I had to go to the dentist and answered on my paper work that no, I was not pregnant. Thankfully with God's great grace I didn't need new x-rays. The next day at the gym I weighed myself (something which I was accountable to both Austin and my friend Olivia that I would only do every two weeks, because I had started doing it every day--which is just a bad idea). Hmm, strange...I had not lost one single pound. That could be fine. Most people hit a plateau, I guess it was time for mine. Right? right? or...what if?...I'd seen this happen before, when I was pregnant with my firstborn, but that isn't a real symptom. Right?! --This and only this thought was the ONE thought outside of denial that I had towards my pregnancy. I quickly dismissed it and decided to hit the gym harder and eat even healthier. The next day was the big 6. Austin was literally on his way out, putting on his shoes and then leaving for work. I had just woken up and remembered that I should take the pregnancy test again today during my first bathroom visit. So without hollering at him to wait--I peed on the stick. I laid the stick down. I washed my hands. I looked back at the stick. It had the faintest most light resemblance of a second line. But I mean--I had just woken up, so probably my eyes just weren't focusing right. But as I stared it got a teensy tiny bit brighter.
"Can you come up here? Like now?"
"Just come here!"
He came up, poor husband, and had no idea what he was walking into. 
"Is that another line? Can you see that?"
"No, I mean I see what you are talking about, but its not a line. Its just the plastic behind the little paper."
"So you see that?"
"Yea, but its not a line. Why? What does a line mean?"
"They don't make those with anything that would even look like another line showing."
"What does a line mean?"
"We're pregnant, oh my gosh, I'm pregnant."
"No, let me hold it under the lights.....yea that's a line"
"Oh my gosh. (now leaning against the wall for support) I can't breathe"

Part two coming soon. Its gonna get kinda sad, real funny, and super vulnerable, and then happy up in here. Come back again to see the smackdown I got from the Holy Spirit.


  1. I nominated you for the Liebster Award!!! Love your blog!

  2. (this is me chanting) SE-COND-HALF! SE-COND-HALF!