Tuesday, October 9, 2012

My Message for the Mediocre

I never thought I could miss looking at this boring blogger writing template so much! A quick life update and reason for which I have been so absent as a writer: on top of taking care of our son and daughter and carrying this growing unborn gift, I am taking my last college class. To answer the questions that are most popular, the class is The History of Science Up to Newton (to meet the requirements for my Social Sciences Minor/Communications Major), no I have not been in classes all this time, I will be finished with class and graduate (finally) in December from The University of North Texas. So my free time has been extra scarce and I am trying very hard to uphold a standard of discipline and order...which means that fun things like writing may be good, but for right now they are one of the "best"s so it won't be the high priority that it has been in the past.

As I have been absolutely aching to write, I have realized how far I have come in the last 3 and half years. See I have always had this embarrassing little problem. It is something that most people wouldn't necessarily notice about me, in fact I think even my husband didn't notice until I pointed it out to him. My problem/secret is that, well how can I say this--I'm kinda talentless. In harsher moments I would probably even say I was chronically mediocre. Now I know, "God created me special" and everyone has a purpose or calling blah blah. But when talent shows would come along...I didn't even consider auditioning and not because of stage fright. I like to think of myself as someone who is not afraid to be the center of attention, but not obsessed with being so either. No fear wasn't the problem, it was lack of talent to show case. Which is the same reason I wasn't an athlete, or first chair, or a vocalist, or a dancer. I know this sounds so ridiculous and it is SUCH a first world problem. I know. It didn't bother me a whole lot until I married one of the most talented singer/songwriters/worship leaders ever. Seriously, from the beginning I have always admired not only my husband's musical talent, but... he is one of THOSE GUYS. You know the ones, they decide to do something and they do it. The kind of guys that just make things happen. And dang, that is attractive--real attractive (to me...it better not be for you unless your husband is also one of THOSE GUYS, otherwise you best capture that thought). But sharing life so closely with someone so talented...it started to highlight the contrasts between us. Ok--so another pause I should take here--I don't really consider myself mediocre in everything. I think I'm pretty good in relationships, I like people and I think I'm good at interacting with them, I can make a killer gift basket on a dime, so far I don't think I'm messing up things on the mommy-front, I'm kinda funny--but none of those are like--something that leads to a grand dream or anything.--Unpause. -- So in the last almost four years of being married I have been dying to find a talent. I finally admitted to Austin that I was one of those mediocre types and he argued, but couldn't actually come up with a tangible talent that I possess either...but he did try, really hard. So as stupid as I felt about it, I started praying for God to 1.Give me a talent that I never had before (my top pick would be to suddenly turn into a song-bird type and I will always want this forever and ever) or 2. For Him to cultivate something that was already there but maybe just kind of hiding. I just "happened" to start a blog, just for life updates and bragging and such, ya know like everyone else--but then I started really liking it. The more I wrote the better I got. Then I started understanding my spiritual gifting a little better and that encouraged me to follow that stirring to write what God was impressing even more. Now, I know I am a writer. Maybe all that will ever mean is that I type away on blogger for the rest of my life, maybe one day my new dreams (that I am not disclosing cause that junk is personal and calls for far too much vulnerability via internet) will be reality and being a writer will be even more --either way I'm good. It is just refreshing to feel like I have a thing and so fun to dream with Austin about our things. Recently, some new friends asked what I did, I answered that I stay home with our kids, but then my husband proudly added "She's a writer." That's one for my "favorite memories."

I survived being mediocre and I was surprised that my "talent" had really been there all the time, even back in my creative writing club days and writing class with Mrs. Shurtleff in middle school, God was beginning something precious in me. 

2 comments:

  1. Mmmm. A-stinkin-men to this. I look forward to what you write!

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is my favorite blog post of yours to date. It made you so endearing to me. I hope you know that I always look forward to your posts. You are a beautiful writer, and you articulate your thoughts in a way that is "so Katy"-- which is funny, transparent, vulnerable, uplifting, complex, yet so simple all at the same time. I don't know how you do it. I cringe every time I read one of my posts, and then I read yours and think, "oh, that's how it's done!". And like you, I'm married to one of "those guys"-- a VERY TALENTED writer, like yourself. That makes me never want to blog ever again. But it is fun, so I will continue. I'm glad you will too, and hopefully more often once you've graduated. Keep it coming!

    Your devoted reader,
    Kate

    ReplyDelete