Even though I LOVE writing, sometimes I just get totally lost. First of all, how am I supposed to follow up one of the most personal blogs ever?! I don't want to paint myself in a corner and keep talking exclusively about miscarriage (even though, I will definitely continue writing about that), because then it will be even harder to break out and write about all the many other things that are write-worthy. I don't want to do a photo blog of photos from our overseas trip to Serbia (though some blogs will definitely come out of that trip). I don't want to write about mundane things or funny things (though as the mishaps and misadventures occur, and they always do, I will share them). So I will post a blog about writers block. I am so grateful and overwhelmed that any of you even read my blog, and I promise I tried really hard to write while we were on our trip. Oddly enough, the writing that I most enjoyed was a snip-it about not being able to write, which turned around and made itself into a snip-it about writing. So I will copy and paste from the email I wrote myself and you can just take what you will from it.
Thoughts on writing
Something about being somewhere with so much history but also so much modern western influence...it's like a big huge contradiction. Like as soon as you really start thinking about all the history and tradition, you get distracted by all the shopping and eating and drinking. And of course another huge contradiction, I've been dying to grab another pair of hands to keep up with Lyric so that I could get some writing out, but now with an abundance of time on my hands and plenty of help with the little man...I can't seem to muster a significant sentence to save my life. It's almost like a forbidden fruit--writing, at least for me. It's like this important, even urgent at times, all consuming, relentless stream of words and thoughts and concepts just fighting to make it out...but once I have time to really sit down and write, the river slows down to a glassy smooth and there is nothing. It makes me sad really, like maybe it was just a momentary glitch and not any actual talent or gift or rhythm. The rhythm, that's half of it. The flow of the stream and the feel of the river. Because who cares if I have thoughts-- everyone has thoughts, what makes them special is the way the thoughts feel. Do they feel escaping and fun and urgent and clever, do they burn into my mind leaving me desperate to both write them and read them? A thought is just a thought unless you like reading it and hearing it and saying it.
Thoughts on writing
Something about being somewhere with so much history but also so much modern western influence...it's like a big huge contradiction. Like as soon as you really start thinking about all the history and tradition, you get distracted by all the shopping and eating and drinking. And of course another huge contradiction, I've been dying to grab another pair of hands to keep up with Lyric so that I could get some writing out, but now with an abundance of time on my hands and plenty of help with the little man...I can't seem to muster a significant sentence to save my life. It's almost like a forbidden fruit--writing, at least for me. It's like this important, even urgent at times, all consuming, relentless stream of words and thoughts and concepts just fighting to make it out...but once I have time to really sit down and write, the river slows down to a glassy smooth and there is nothing. It makes me sad really, like maybe it was just a momentary glitch and not any actual talent or gift or rhythm. The rhythm, that's half of it. The flow of the stream and the feel of the river. Because who cares if I have thoughts-- everyone has thoughts, what makes them special is the way the thoughts feel. Do they feel escaping and fun and urgent and clever, do they burn into my mind leaving me desperate to both write them and read them? A thought is just a thought unless you like reading it and hearing it and saying it.
I hear ya on this one. Writing should probably be a discipline...but I have a hard time practicing the discipline.
ReplyDeleteSo I try to keep my journal with me. But it always turns out that the times I forget my journal, I have this fantastic flow of thoughts that need to go somewhere. So I use the back of the church bulletin :)
-nathan
this is amazing. i love writing. it releases so much for me! great entry!
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