Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Mrs. Tallus, Tellos...Mrs. T

I just got home from my first day (basically, I'll elaborate later) of substitute teaching. I had a third grade class for half a day and it was a joy. I have to take a moment to brag on the staff that I worked with today, they were all so welcoming and friendly. Friendliness was the answered prayer of the day. First days are the worst, I dread them. God acts everyday, and am making it a priority to recognize Him as much as my little mind can.
When Austin and I got married I was unemployed and finally after several months of the easy life, I became a sub. I worked for two days and decided that I could not handle it. I need to explain, my first day I had a bilingual kindergarten class, my second day I had 4th graders with behavioral and/or learning issues. Those classes were a tough initiation, not to mention that this gal is not a morning person. Did you know that some schools start class at 7:15 AM?!?! Now, that I have a baby to prepare for and I've gotten used to working, subbing was great. I have a feeling that teaching may be in the future. Growing up the child of a teacher was so great. I am just realizing as an adult and soon to be parent, how wonderful teaching is for a family.

Countdown for finding out if we are having a baby girl or baby boy: 9 days!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Thoughts for now

Sitting at home watching Martha Stewart's episode on blogging has me realizing that it has been far too long for me. My writer's block is not rooted in the issue of having nothing to write about, but from having far too much to blog about. Frankly, I am deliberating over what is appropriate to blog about and what belongs in my private journal. This is truly a crossroads. When I started this blog, my vision was to post both the mundane and the difficult. Now that I am in the midst of the excitement of pregnancy and also riding the emotional roller coaster of losing my job, I am finding that sharing all those feelings is a challenge. I deeply desire for transparency, thinking back to some of the challenges of single-hood and engagement I always looked back and wondered why the Christian women who had taken a role as "leaders" in my life (my mother excluded) had withheld so much about what that road of life held. Why, knowing the road that is traveled, would you not share those things? I made a commitment to transparency and accountability during engagement. I knew that marriage would bring many lessons and growth along with having children. I never factored losing my job into the heartbreaks and growth that I would be facing. Just typing that makes me feel so arrogant. Why not me? As difficult as any loss is, this experience is only opening my eyes to the deep heartbreak that is a daily occurrence for people everywhere.

So this is not a conclusive post, but I don't feel concluded so that's fitting. I hope this isn't too much of a downer. And in more mundane news, I'm still reading "The Help" and its amazing. I recommend.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Puppy and Pregnancy

The cruise is just days away and I'm so excited. However, it just hit me that I think I am actually going to miss our dog. Of course I have already told our sweet Max that I am going to miss him, but that was just the obligatory-good-parent/owner-thing-to-say. Now, I really do think I'm going to miss our little pup. I'm sure I'll get over that pretty quickly once I am enjoying all the perks of vacation. I have a few small goals for myself during this trip. Goal #1 catch up on all my maternity book reading, goal #2 read all if not most of The Help, goal #3 become a delightfully slimming shade of golden brown (I'm convinced my face is gaining weight along with the rest of me). So as you may or may not have put together, all these goals have one thing in common...I can do all of them while laying out and exerting little to no energy. Geez, I just looked up from my computer and the apartment is almost completely dark, that happened fast.

Also, upon request of my dear Cali friend Katie, I will be intentionally using this blog as a forum for my pregnancy experiences. Almost as soon as we found out we were pregnant, Austin laid down some boundaries...social media boundaries anyway. Since I believe that all (at least at this point) of my readers here are actual friends and not just internet "friends" I feel that using this blog is a good compromise. Hmm, what is the most commonly asked question these days??(curser blinking, blinking, blinking...) I think the biggest conversation I have held about pregnancy is how is still doesn't completely feel like a reality at this point. Fat-ness, however, is an ever present "reality." It's weird, and maybe you gals can understand, but I feel more self-conscious today as a pregnant woman than I ever did as a teenager. I guess whenever you add some weight any other time, you never really notice it until you notice it. At that point you eat grilled chicken instead of fried, cut out the sweets, and hit the gym. Problem solved. As a preggo, you know you will be gaining weight, you intentionally gain weight, and the future mirror holds a much bigger you in it. Please don't send this into Tyra or Oprah (maybe my beloved Bonnie Hunt though, just so I could meet that gal), I know and deeply desire to nurture and protect my baby. All 99.9% of me is willingly and happily eating those extra calories, but that .01% of me really hates that my already big butt is turning straight up ghetto booty. All this to say, I can't wait to #1 look pregnant and not just like a chubster and #2 to be healthier and more dedicated to exercise than ever in pregnancy and more intensely after pregnancy. Ok, I am sure that I have cyber talked your ears off at this point.

Oh gosh...there is that tiny voice in the back of my head needing to reiterate that I am ok with gaining weight and I know that I am still a beautiful person, no matter how my body changes. Ok, I feel more secure now knowing that no one thinks I have lost it. When I blog my mom's voice is always echoing her advice from my 5th grade note-writing/passing days, "whenever you write something down you can never take it back, so be careful what you put out there." Ah motherly advice...but thats for another day.