Thursday, January 14, 2010

Thoughts for now

Sitting at home watching Martha Stewart's episode on blogging has me realizing that it has been far too long for me. My writer's block is not rooted in the issue of having nothing to write about, but from having far too much to blog about. Frankly, I am deliberating over what is appropriate to blog about and what belongs in my private journal. This is truly a crossroads. When I started this blog, my vision was to post both the mundane and the difficult. Now that I am in the midst of the excitement of pregnancy and also riding the emotional roller coaster of losing my job, I am finding that sharing all those feelings is a challenge. I deeply desire for transparency, thinking back to some of the challenges of single-hood and engagement I always looked back and wondered why the Christian women who had taken a role as "leaders" in my life (my mother excluded) had withheld so much about what that road of life held. Why, knowing the road that is traveled, would you not share those things? I made a commitment to transparency and accountability during engagement. I knew that marriage would bring many lessons and growth along with having children. I never factored losing my job into the heartbreaks and growth that I would be facing. Just typing that makes me feel so arrogant. Why not me? As difficult as any loss is, this experience is only opening my eyes to the deep heartbreak that is a daily occurrence for people everywhere.

So this is not a conclusive post, but I don't feel concluded so that's fitting. I hope this isn't too much of a downer. And in more mundane news, I'm still reading "The Help" and its amazing. I recommend.

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