Sunday, September 15, 2013

Unveiling Loneliness

I know I should be writing. But even though there are a lot of things that I have thoughts about, I don’t feel like there are many thoughts that fit into what I like to write about. I like to write about things that are resolved. I don’t like writing about things that are still fresh and ongoing for me. If this doesn’t make sense for you, go back and read some posts about how I hate being it’s hard for me to be vulnerable, mainly this post. Anyway, there is something that I know I probably should write about, because as I started sharing what I am going through with friends, they started sharing that they are going through something very similar. At first I just thought I was feeling isolated because of “this” or because of “that”….but what I am finding is that this isn’t a “this” or “that” thing, it’s a grown up woman thing. When I talk to grown up women, especially grown up women from 25-35 years old we all agree that loneliness is real. Loneliness is real, and usually to some degree, it is felt among the masses. Isn’t that ironic?

And see, here is where I get stuck. As a writer I get stuck because I don’t have any answers, not one single little answer. Ok I have an answer…but I should say that I don’t have any solutions or practical application. I am also stuck because I refuse, REFUSE, to write one of those “here is what I need you to know, and here is everything you, the world, are doing stuff wrong” posts. I just won’t blame all my problems on my readers and the world around me. And then the biggest reason I’m stuck is probably because the last thing I want is pity. (side note: growing up with a special needs sister, I’m so anti-pity I can’t even tell you…but that’s another post for another day) So…what I’m going to do is this, I’m going to share a few quotes from a book I’m reading (The Church Planting Wife by Christine Hoover), then I’m going to share a couple of tidbits from my heart, then we can call it a day and I’ll call it a post.

“In other words, we are not guaranteed or entitled to heart friends. They are gifts of grace, and when we catch glimpses of sisterly love, we must receive it as such with deep gratitude….We tend to believe the myth that friendship should be easy, requires little effort, or, most debilitating, that we’re the only one who is having such a hard time with friendship.” Hoover, 73.

“There is no ideal friend or church community. We can’t place unrealistic expectations on ourselves or on others, thinking that they will satisfy all our deepest longings for connections.” Hoover, 74.

~Realizing that I’m not alone, was the first breath of relief for me. So you aren’t alone either. Also, realizing that everyone has crazy schedules and everyone is exhausted at the end of the day, it’s not just poor little me who would rather lay on the couch and relax at night.

~Challenging myself to build an inner circle of a few friends who I trust to share the details of my life with and to build a really fun circle of many friends that I enjoy.

~ Waking up to the freedom that each person brings different things to the table. The only friend I have that brings everything to the table is Christ himself. The only person who comes second to that is the one I married…and it isn’t his fault that he doesn’t want to have girl talk at my beg and call. I’m learning to let each individual be a unique friend, not an all-encompassing friend.

Alright, now I get to hit “submit,” throw my hands in the air, and declare that I still hate being vulnerable. And that I’m not sure how cohesive this post even is. And yea…this is what it’s like seeing me face stuff in real time. Not so eloquent. Have a great day! And wish us luck, tomorrow we embark on a great adventure to take the kids to a movie for the first time. 


  1. It's brave to be vulnerable to anyone. I feel alone too, I think we all do. I feel more alone now that I work part-time, then I ever did not working. But I am anti-pity too! But suffering alone and lonely shouldn't be option either. We are believers and we should share each other burdens.

    Have a great time at the movies!!!

  2. You go girl! I think the college experience can ruin our idea of "friendship" for the rest of our lives. It is a little bizarre that for a few short years in our early adult life we practically live on top of each other in dorms, apartments, etc and eat-live-breathe in life together. You share in each other's lives a 7 in the morning over a cup of coffee, you carried each others burdens, you ate chips and queso at 2am and watched silly movies, you laughed together and cried together and wore each other's clothes as if they were your own. Those friendships can be amazing.... but they don't prepare you for what real adult friendships look like. At least, that's the conclusion I've come to. It's hard to make friends as an adult. And we have this college-type friendship that we're clinging to as the way that friendships ought to be. I think you hit the nail on the head-- the only friend that brings everything to the table is Jesus. And we have to stop looking at friendships as a means to meet our needs, but ways we can serve and meet the needs of others. Great post, FRIEND! Love yall.

  3. I think part of your loneliness is the age of your children. They take so much time and attention so you don't have time for coffee or lunch with friends. After this stage comes the "run yourself ragged keeping up with the kids' activities" stage, which can also be a lonely time. And before you know it, they are all gone and you are for sure lonely then!! I am learning the over simplified truth that although I FEEL alone, I am NEVER alone! God promises He will never leave me or forsake me. So, as a new empty nester/wife of a traveling husband, I am embracing that truth and learning to live each day WITH Jesus. I can even talk to Him out loud which helps with the loneliness and helps put it all into eternal perspective. He takes good care of me and always satisfies!! Thanks for being vulnerable once again!