I'm flattered to announce that I have been awarded
a Liebster blog award! It is an informal nomination from other bloggers, but
one I will gladly accept. I now have to nominate 3 blogs under 3,000 followers
that I would like to nominate for the Liebster, so be looking for that at the
end of this post.
On the heels of my blog posts about our unexpected
third pregnancy, I thought this would be a great time to write about the
transition from one kid to multiple kids. I'm sure I'll have even more to say
on the subject after Fletcher joins us at home. For now I mainly wanted to
touch on some practical things, but lots of emotional elements of adding kids
too. I can't tell you how many of my friends (both real and through social
media) are pregnant, adopting, or looking to foster their second child.
For those of my friends coming up on their due dates its a time filled
with emotions both happy and sad, nervous and excited. This time last year, I
was so ready to have Lily, I wanted to meet her so badly, I was so excited to
have a little girl, and anticipating seeing Lyric in his role as big brother.
At the same time I was nervous because I was afraid that somehow by bringing a
new baby home I would not have as much attention for Lyric or love for Lily. I
was sad that my special time with Lyric was ending and I thought our
relationship would never be the same. I did realize that Lyric, by being
the first born, was the only kid who would ever know what it was like not to
share me with any siblings. Some of the things that helped me with the
transition were things that other moms helped me see, some things that God gave
me to live by, and some things that I just picked up along the way. Because
this post is specifically written for those of you who already have at least
one kiddo, I’ll do it in outline form. ;)
Great Expectations- Setting realistic expectations
is the key to embracing most big changes in life, as you know if you have been
married for longer than a few months. Use your mind, not your emotions. Don’t
let Pinterest set the standard for your expectations. Let God’s word and
character shape the desires of your heart. Expect to be emotional for a bit,
expect there to be at least a little chaos, expect “survival mode” and not much
more. If you are one of those moms who can still cook and clean and bring a
newborn into the family, great for you. Most of us aren’t that mom, most of us will survive and in a few weeks/months we will
return to thriving in a state of routine and a resemblance of order in our
homes.
The Beloved Firstborn(s)- I think a lot of us get
scared, nervous, and overly sentimental about the last months, weeks, and days
we have to pour out all our love and attention on our first little ones (if you
are wondering about the plural nature of these first ones, its for
my girl Camie and all you mommies of twins) Even preparing for our third born I find
myself a little torn over wishing I had more time to get to know Lily and
excitement to welcome Fletcher to our fold. But the truth is, that even though you will be distracted in the first week or two, you will very quickly
acclimate and have just as much attention and love for your older child. If you
are a little sad because you are afraid things will never be the same, you are
right.
Life will never ever be the same it WILL be better. As much chaos as
there has been, as many bad days, as many times as I’ve had two crying little
ones on my hands…I have never ever wished for the way things used to be. (And
don’t worry, the bad days are still far out numbered by good days!) Our family
is so much better and richer and complex and laughy and silly and deeper
because of Lily. And honestly, your oldest will also always be the furthest
developed, and as a result will still get tons of your attention and play time.
Plus, just remember the only child who ever knows what its like not to share
you is the firstborn. All the other kids to come won’t even know that reality,
its more normal to share you than not to. (Unless you only have one kid, in
that case…why are you still reading this post? …I tease…but seriously)
“How will I do it?”- I think that every mom
bringing home a newbie asks herself this question, regardless of how many she
has brought home before. This is a question that pops into my mind
sporadically. Well honestly, with this
current pregnancy being such a shock,
this question was just about the only thing on my mind for the first two
months. I’ve dealt with it, but it still sneaks in every once in awhile. Just
remember, there was a time in your life when you didn’t know how to be a
spouse, there was a time when you didn’t know how to do pregnancy or birth or
adoption, there was a time when you didn’t know what to do with a
baby/toddler/kid—but it worked out, and it is probably still working itself
out. When this question was swirling around my head on nights that I couldn’t sleep
I thought that I had to have an actual answer. Then one day someone asked me in
all seriousness how we were going to do it…that was when I realized, there is
not an answer you can give yourself or anyone else.
The answer is—we will give
ourselves grace, take advice of those who have gone before (with a tablespoon
of salt), and we will have faith that God planned this for our family so He
will direct our paths and sustain us to walk it.
Should I Stay or Should I Go- Sometimes you need to
hunker down and know that a bigger family sometimes means more limitations. You
can’t get out and do stuff as easily as you could with no kids, or one, etc
etc. But just as there are times when you need to just say no and stay home,
the opposite also applies. Sometimes I catch myself feeling down for no reason
and to top it off the kids are grumpy and awnry. Then I realize…oh yea we
haven’t left the house in four days! That’s when we make a play date, or go to
Chickfila, or Target, or the park or library. Sometimes, your house starts to
close in on you, then its time to get outta there! After the first month Lily
was born, I was ready to be a little more active and the kids needed something
too. So I loaded up the double stroller and twice a day went on a 30-minute
walk. It was great for me and wonderful for them. It wasn't always easy, but so
worth it!
Mommies, the biggest thing I can emphasize is this: Don’t listen to others when they say “wow you’ll be busy!” or “yea now just
imagine this [tantrum, shopping, really any activity] with one more kid!” or
“yea it will be really hard for awhile, but one day you’ll be glad.” Do listen
to your husband and your kids. Commit to turning to God’s word before you turn
to any other book or blog for help. Stay near to the one who created your
growing family; you don’t need to be anxious. Everything else will work itself
out.
I feel that to be really honest I should share that
this blog took a few days to write, because…well sometimes I had to stop
writing and read my advice back to myself ;)
So I am supposed to nominate blogs with less than 3,000 followers. I can't do that. What I will do is share my favorite favorite blogs in my feed:
http://www.babywisemom.com
http://morninggrunge.wordpress.com
http://notyetfully.blogspot.com
