Thursday, February 25, 2010

Sacrifice

I have had this particular blog whirling around my head for awhile now, time to attempt to write it out. So pregnancy being a nine month process is no doubt part of the Lord's divine preparation process. Just when I think I have learned the biggest/heaviest lesson I think I will ever learn, I learn another. First, a little brutal transparency (something which I have been desiring for this blog, yet now it seems a little terrifying). Growing up with a sister with special needs definitely shaped my life and character and without Kristen, I would not be the person I am now. However, seeing the weight and responsibility those special needs carry at times, it's not a situation that I ever HOPE to be in as a parent. I have more respect and admiration for my parents then words could ever describe. Now, with little baby Lyric growing in my tummy, I have spent many-a-night falling asleep just praying that Lyric will develop "normally." Of course I will love my son immeasurably regardless of his needs, be they "special" or "normal." So...all this to say that one fateful week as I was preparing for the high school small group I help lead, I was hit with a big huge ugly brick. I was consumed with fear and resistance. So fearful in fact, that filling in to help with a little girl who had special needs one Sunday morning had me driving home in tears. What I thought was a normal week of reading the given scripture and jotting down some notes, knocked me straight into the Truth. The main passage for the week was Genesis 22. The story of Abraham sacrificing Isaac, a story I knew since my felt board days. And yet, new things jumped off the page. Abraham had to travel for THREE days with Isaac before they reached their destination, that's alot of time to stall or even bail on the plan. Also, there were two servants with them (young men at that), capable scape goats as I would see it. So when they finally reach Moriah (geez I have a lump in my throat just typing this), Abraham had every chance to change his mind and head home. But instead, he was obedient. He was sacrificial. "Then Abraham reached out his hand and took the knife to slaughter his son. But the angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, 'Abraham, Abraham!' and he said 'Here am I.' He said, 'do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to him, for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me." Gen. 22:11-13. As I read this I knew why God had brought this scripture before me. I had withheld my son, my only son. The Lord could not have been more clear. I could nearly audibly hear Him "I did not withhold my only son, why are you withholding your son?" My fist was clenched so tightly to the dream of a perfectly healthy son, that I was separating myself from the beauty of sacrifice. Granted, nothing physically changed in that moment, but I began to see a more full picture of the love and grace that the Lord has for me and what is required from me as a mother. Right now, I am called to love Lyric blindly and unconditionally. If he wants to be a jock or an artist, if he is funny or awkward, if he is normal or if he has special needs; I will love him just as much. I will continually strive to be a model of Christ's love. I will continue to pray for my son's health, but now I pray that his life will glorify the Lord, and that my parenthood will glorify Him --even in these days of preparation.

4 comments:

  1. thanks for making me cry katy. geeeez.

    your words are wise. thank you speaking truth. i'm so proud of you lady. you're gonna be an epic mama. :)

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  2. I really admire your honesty. I know how difficult it is to release your hand, and it will probably always be difficult, but it starts now. When I was 22 weeks pregnant with Charles, the sonographer saw he had a spot on his heart that doubled his chances to be born with down syndrome. That was a turning point for me to release my hand and trust the Lord. I was quickly reminded that this child was not mine and God will always provide strength for whatever he gives us. You're an amazing mom already.

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  3. I love this Kate. That is one of my favorite passages in the Bible. When Drew and I broke up for 5 weeks, like the day after we broke up he went to church and heard a great sermon on that passage and e-mailed it to me. It is so neat to see how God speaks to different people in different ways through His scripture. I love you and I want to see you and your baby bump!!! :)

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  4. im so beyond proud of you katy, thanks for pouring truth and wisdom into all of us, no matter our life stages that we are in. single/married/pregnant/what have you.

    praying for little sweet lyric and you all.

    im going to echo what paige said, you ARE going to be an epic mama (and austin, an epic faja) I can't wait to see it in action. Can't wait to see how lyric's little personality is going to be!!

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