Hosanna!/Crucify Him!

Today was glorious. It was glorious. Everyone was worshipping. Everyone had joy. Everyone knew we had been given a gift. Not everyone was aware of it, but you’d be hard pressed to find a soul in our community who wasn’t exponentially more joyful. Today creation held church and worshipped and invited us to join in our backyards and on bike paths and at parks and in cars, with windows open and homes refreshed. Today was just a Saturday.

I can’t help but imagine that this is what the weather was like for the Triumphal Entry. I love that people were so eager to praise and bless and honor Jesus. They grabbed their coats, whatever they had and they covered the way for him. They waved palms, which was symbolic of victory over an enemy. People expected Jesus to overthrow a government, but he had so much more victory waiting for us.* This is what we think of when we think on Palm Sunday, yes? A picture of joy and worship and expectations that would be far exceeded. But Palm Sunday should also serve as a warning for us, a cautionary tale of sorts.

Those people who crowded the streets and yelled “Hosanna!” they were the same people who yelled “Crucify him!” only a short time later. Did you know that? That’s crazy right? It seems absolutely asinine that people could so passionately swing from one extreme to the other. But friends, it could have been us. It still can be us if we don’t guard ourselves. You know what the difference was between those who stuck with Jesus and those who wanted him dead? True honest-to-goodness belief. People who "worshipped" him on (what we call) Palm Sunday did so because of what they heard about him around town. They celebrated him because of what they thought he would do for them. They celebrated him because they thought he might be the next big thing. Their adoration was fueled by motives about two inches deep. And when it stopped looking good, when the glamour had faded, when Jesus didn’t meet their vain expectations…that adoration crumbled. If our worship of Jesus is something to make us look better, if we use him to fit in, if we base our belief on our own plans…our insincere adoration will crumble too. And what’s most sad is that sometimes we don’t stop long enough to see that what we are offering is artificial, sometimes we even have ourselves fooled.

I want to be the real thing, to know down deep in my gut that no matter what I LOVE him and I live to see him gain glory upon glory. I want to have a growing disdain for “what makes sense,” for what can be controlled by me, for what I have planned. I want to live in complete trust, trust that grows my love and surrender to whatever God has. Come what may, I won’t find myself standing shoulder to shoulder with the status quo.

*I used the ESV Study Bible for historical insight and highly recommend it!

Release

We make life hard for ourselves at times don’t we? In a culture driven by self-motivation, ambition, and the American Dream…sometimes we get really caught up in our own minds. We start believing that the way we think is the best way, the way other people think is likely less enlightened than our way, and view everything through a critical lens. Everything is sifted through the tight filter of our preferences and our assessments. It’s so tiring. Wouldn’t it just be easier to let go for a day and let life be simple, to choose to enjoy rather than to evaluate. Releasing the constant strain for the potential perfection we have concocted and breathe in grace. Grace is here, now, illuminated by the imperfections and flaws and mistakes that engulf our reality. Don’t stop being who you are, but be the truest of who you are. Enjoy the fullness of who you are in Christ.

If you’re a thinker, think through grace and dwell on joy.

If you’re a free spirit, embrace grace and put down comparison.

If you’re straight laced, stand on the tension between what has come and the glory that will be.

If you’re just getting through life, look up at the clouds and be moved by the worship that even nature proclaims.

If you’re bruised and beaten, take heart. He has overcome the world!

Crafting, Quilting, And Other Myths of Women's Ministry.

So usually my lack of writing is from lack of time. Lately though, it’s been a lack of decision making skills. Right now I feel passionate about so many things. Because I am chronically indecisive when it comes to trivial things (if you have ever EVER gone out to eat with me, or even through a drive thru with me…you know this), I’m forcing myself to just pick one and start writing. So, since I am awaiting the kick off of another ministry year as well as preparing to go to a great women’s event this evening and another in a week or so…I pick ministry! More specifically I pick ministry in the lives of women. Aka…women’s ministry.

Over the past few months I’ve had the chance to talk to women from all backgrounds, living in all different parts of the country, in all different stages of life. Some of them are heavily involved in the church (my beautiful pastors wife sisters….haha I almost wrote sister wives, definitely not the same thing!), some  of them are deeply committed to the Church via para-church organizations, some of them aren’t so crazy about the Church.  But all these women love Jesus. Most of them love the Church. Only a handful love women’s ministry.

Some of you just cringed when you read the words “women’s ministry.” How do I know that? Because there was a time many moons ago, when I too held an unfair prejudice against women’s ministry. I carried around this idea that it was just a bunch of crafty, quilting, cliché, women. And of those women I was certain that I had nothing in common with any of them. But here’s the thing: I was so utterly wrong. I was wrong in four ways really, A)#1: I had the most important thing in common with them, I had Jesus in common with them. At the very very least, I would know more of Him from studying the Word with fellow believers. And…furthermore: there is nothing wrong with moms who craft, or grandmothers who quilt or even people who seem cliché. Those women love Jesus and they are comfortable and secure with who they are. Those two qualities are basically what we are all striving for, am I right? Thirdly, there are some amazing, super cool, women (both beside and ahead of you in life) in women’s ministry. So perhaps….I don’t know…just maybe…instead of hoping that some super amazing older woman will randomly walk into your life to shepherd and encourage you and teach you….maybe you should just take advantage of all the women who are already at your disposal. Fourth and finally, (and this one is going to be harsh, but truthful. And I should also say that I am saying this to both my past and present self just as much, if not more than I say it to you) Get over yourself. Bible study, fellowship, accountability, prayer, worship, friendship: which of these things is so below you?

You have no idea what you are missing out on. Sign up for study at your church and give it a fair chance. And if you go to my church…I will unashamedly tell you that our women’s ministry is the healthiest one I’ve ever been a part of. I can’t emphasize it enough. Don't miss out!

Mine

The clouds pour out all they contain. The trees dance and bow down under command of the wind. The light is radical. The sound is all encompassing. All this… is just the earth’s worship of the One who is infinitely bigger and better and stronger and softer. And more fiercely than the strongest storm, and more gently than the most delicate petal of the most beautiful lily He says,

You

Are

Mine

Words so precious and so sweet. Words that are a promise, a declaration, a future.

At some point you have longed to have someone to whom you belong. You’ve yearned for someone to call you theirs. Whether a child yearning for a parent to love and protect them, or a single longing to have those words sweetly whispered by a soul mate. “You’re mine.” What could be sweeter? Could one word be more precious? MINE.

MINE can be ugly too, though. So selfish, so narrow minded, so short sighted, so hateful. It all changes with the heart of the one who speaks it.

Let God sing those words over you. Don’t white knuckle your life. You belong to someone.

Seize the [Palm Sun]day!

Today is the first day of Passion Week. If you have followed my blog, you know that I love and I mean LOVE Easter. It's my favorite holiday.

Every year on Palm Sunday I find myself admiring the very first followers of Christ, those who were there to welcome Jesus by waving palms and shouting "Hosanna!" They believed that this man from Galilee would be their king. They believed he was worth worshipping unashamedly. They seized the moment to praise him and show him honor. I'm sure that some people looked at the crowd greeting Jesus as a bunch of crazies. I'm sure that it wasn't popular to praise the name of Jesus. But those who knew of his works and his teachings and choose to follow him, they participated in an act of worship that we still recognize today. They seized the moment and praised his name. Can you imagine it? And just to think...they didn't even know the half of what he would do. In the moment of their worship He had not yet died and been resurrected as the substitute for all of mankind. The best was yet to come. I would hope that I would have been one of the believers in that moment. I would hope that knowing what the scriptures taught and recognizing the greatness of the humble man of Jesus would have been enough to captivate my attention, heart, and life.

Many of them expected him to rise as a military and political leader and king. The stage was set; expectations were in place. Something great was going to happen in a matter of days. No one knew it then, but their expectations would be shaken and very far exceeded. And to think it was all just around the corner.

The next day the large crowd that had come to the feast heard that Jesus was coming to Jerusalem. 13 So they took branches of palm trees and went out to meet him, crying out, “Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord, even the King of Israel!” 14 And Jesus found a young donkey and sat on it, just as it is written,

15“Fear not, daughter of Zion;

behold, your king is coming,

sitting on a donkey's colt!”

16 His disciples did not understand these things at first, but when Jesus was glorified, then they remembered that these things had been written about him and had been done to him. 17 The crowd that had been with him when he called Lazarus out of the tomb and raised him from the dead continued to bear witness. 18 The reason why the crowd went to meet him was that they heard he had done this sign. 19 So the Pharisees said to one another, “You see that you are gaining nothing. Look, the world has gone after him.” (John 12:12-19, ESV)

What ≠ Who

I think that there are things that God puts in place to spur on and encourage and push our gifts and talents forward; cultivating whats already there. A major "pusher" (haha "I'm a pusher Cady," name that movie) for my writing is spending time musically worshipping, especially under my husband's leadership. He is such a vital part of the writing process for me, but I'm going down bunny trails now. 

Last night at church we sang the new Chris Tomlin song, "Jesus, Son of God" and one particular line of it really got me thinking. 

"Be lifted higher than all you've overcome

Your name be louder than any other song....

The cross was enough"

I started to realize how often I associate who Jesus is with what he has done. Maybe I'm alone in this, but sometimes in my mind it goes like this:  

My collection of redemption = Jesus

Maybe that’s confusing. Think of my collection as all the evidence of the grace that has been poured out on me. Everything that has been saved and transformed and redeemed would be in there. I'm so thankful for my salvation, my sanctification, all the sins and trials that Jesus put to death. I love love LOVE hearing the testimony of other believers; I love hearing what Jesus is doing to change lives. But here’s the thing—all those things, still don’t add up to who Jesus is. Jesus isn’t the sum of our testimonies.

Jesus is Jesus. Jesus is one third of the Triune God. Jesus is the perfect one who lowered himself to dwell among us. Because of him we have freedom. Because of him we have life. Because of him we have ABUNDANCE. We benefit from his life, his death, and his resurrection.

Let’s share the stories of salvation and redemption with everyone! But let’s never neglect to say His name. The name of the one who saves. The name of the one who is Holy and Righteous, regardless of what he has done in our lives. The God who stands alone.  Let’s never trade who He is for what He has done. Let’s never shy away from saying His name: Jesus. 

Struggle or surrender

So, if you have been following my blog over the past couple of years, you know that I have been very honest about the good, the bad, and the funny parts of my life. I have been mushy and lovey about my awesome husband. I have used my misfortunes and misadventures to get a laugh. I've told you about my tat (yea I'm hardcore haha). I've been transparent about the pain of my miscarriage and my battle against self loathing and body image after having my son.  Well I had an amazing sweet silly baby girl 3 months ago (after much impatience for labor to start) and I have been determined to stay out of the chains I once found myself in. I prayed hard before her birth that I would not be defined by the size, shape, or weight I was left in. I sought out accountability to keep my actions in check. I have even decided that every time I go to try on clothes at stores I will first look myself in the mirror and audibly say "This doesn't define you. The way these clothes fit or look is not your identity." I have been more honest with my husband and confessed to him when I find myself feeding lies during the day. I have taped scriptures all over the edges of our bathroom mirror to replace lies with Truth. And with all this...it is still hard. Thank the Lord that I do feel like I am on the winning side of the battle this time, but the other day in worship at our church I found myself thinking "I thought it would be easier to fight against this stuff." But that's the thing, fighting sin is fighting sin. Engaging in war is far far better than just surrendering myself to being a prisoner, but that doesn't mean it is easy.

Once when we were newly married, Austin was trying to explain men and their constant battle against lust so that I could understand a little better. He told me that every man struggles with lust. And if a man isn't struggling against it, then he is surrendering to it. But struggling doesn't mean losing. Struggling can mean winning....but that victory doesn't come easy and it doesn't ever bring that struggle to an end. As long as we are on earth, men will have to make the choice to surrender to Christ or surrender to lust.

I think for most women, at least for me... as long as I'm here on earth I will have to choose to surrender to Christ or surrender to every lie about my body in connection to my worth and my value. I'm winning, but it is a constant wrestling match. I know that there will be seasons of life when the fight isn't so bad and won't really need much attention from me, but right now that fight has to be intentional. That is just where I am. It feels good to fight. It feels good to take the side of Truth. It feels good to not be a victim to the Enemy's lies and my own self hatred. It feels heavy and wonderful to know that the way I fight now, will be the heritage of either love or hate I can leave my daughter. I can show Lily how wonderful it is to be thankful for the personality, heart, dreams, talents, and health that God blessed her with.

**In the midst of all this fighting I have been endlessly searching for podcasts and books and any resources I can find from Christian women I respect about this very thing. What I am finding is that there is so much out there for our daughters and teenagers, which is awesome! But just because you get married and become a mom doesn't mean you don't need a little help out too. No one really talks about that, I think because 1.As moms/wives we honestly do have much more demanding our energy and don't have to face bullying from our peers about our bodies anymore, but 2. We aren't helping each other out! The response I got after sharing my story after the birth of our son was mostly from wives or moms! Hello! That tells me a lot. It tells me that we aren't doing a big part of our job as the body of Christ. Sometimes you wake up and need encouragement and sometimes you wake up and feel equipped to encourage, so stop being so quiet! 

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to sing
 I LOVE the song "Desert Song." If you haven't listened to it, do so. If you haven't jammed out to it in worship or on a drive alone in your car, you are missing out. During my deepest and saddest mourning of our miscarriage I sang "all of my life, in every season, you are still God. I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship" because I knew it was true, not because it felt true. But now, on the other side of the storm of grief, I feel it to be as true as I knew (know) it was. Something devastating did happen, the worst sort of news had been delivered and I had a reason to sing! At first I sang with hope, hope of things to come, hope that one day I would sing and feel again. Now I can sing with joy.



I wrote the previous paragraph months ago. Going back and rereading drafts that were never completed, I came upon it. I have been able to sing with joy for awhile now. Joy that I feel. Now as I am waiting (not with great patience) for our daughter to come into the world...I sing for joy. But I am so thankful that my joy doesn't require her existence. I am so tearfully thankful that I had a reason to sing before I got what I wanted. I'm so glad that one day I can tell our son and daughter that in the face of heartbreak they can sing. They have a God who loves them and who defeated death for them, and that their hope doesn't have to be in the temporal pleasures they experience now. I'm so relieved that I know the hope and truth and joy and rich rich love that came out of our loss. I'm so humbled that He chose to show me the greater depths of His sacrifice and His love-- out my hurt, out of my heartbreak, out of my shock, out of my tears. I look back on the past year (nearly to the day), and I so cherish all the change. 



The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified.
(Isaiah 61:1-3 ESV)

When life gives a beating, blessed am I

I have missed this place...this place for me...but lately I've been denying the call to come back and make the time and use these gifts and talent. I can guarantee you that you can look forward to a post about thankfulness, about community, about health (the good, the bad, and the ugly), and about crazy stay at home mom moments. But in this moment I have to sit down and write the words that are circling around the inside of my head.

Recently I have had the privilege of walking beside a dear sweet friend as she and her husband have taken heartbreak after heartbreak from life. I shared with them recently that during a night of worship at our church, I felt jealous of them. I wasn't jealous of their circumstances--I wouldn't wish them on anyone (and my sweet friend, I wish I could take it away from you). But I was so jealous of their absolute and total need, their thirst, their desperation for Christ and for the hope of heaven. I remember that place. When we were waiting in limbo to find out if I had miscarried (in February), when the bad news of our miscarriage had indeed been confirmed, and when I found out that I was once again pregnant and terrified of what might happen--those were precious times. In the moment I hated all the feelings I was feeling and the place we were in, I felt like it was somehow a bad thing that Christ alone kept me going every day. But when I think about the totality of worship that I felt, it was the one area of my life where I felt passionate. I remember that it didn't matter how big or small the gathering, I felt this compulsion to physically crawl over the rows of chairs in front of me and climb up an invisible ladder and sit in the lap of the Father.  He felt like He was just right there, and He was, but I'm sincerely at a loss for words to describe the closeness I felt during those times. I've done the summer camp thing (and although awesome); I know how to spot a "spiritual high." The most difficult times are different, I don't think anyone would say that adversity brings a spiritual high. But it does bring your flesh, your human nature, to an all time low. Most of us do and say things that we normally wouldn't in times when we feel like we just can't take another minute. This past year and half I look back on those hard times, the heartbreaking days, and the excruciating pain as markers of my spiritual growth and learned reliance on God. The times when I was sad all day, or couldn't move from the pain, the days when I knew that no one could fix my problems, the days when I felt like life had beat me into a limp little pile and then come back for more--those times are when Christ's light shines so brightly. Those times are such precious memories because of how loved I was, because of how much love I felt, because of how much love I needed.

But if it had not been for the good times, for the boring days, for the bible study routines and structure and normalcy with Christ...how would I have recognized His closeness? What would I have done and felt and believed in those moments where I couldn't hold a bible in my hand or sit in church? He would have been just as near, but would I have even known it? Would I have recognized His character and His love? Would I have been able to stop demanding that He change my circumstances and start praising Him for who He is?


I'll leave you with those questions. This is going to have to be a two parter. 

Homesick

Warning: I'm going to be honest, the kind where you admit stuff.

When I was single and thought about Heaven, especially the return of Christ to take us home, I often thought to myself, "that will be so awesome, but I have to get married first." When I was engaged I thought, "I can't wait for that!...Except that I really want to know my husband first" (in the biblical sense. I said I would be honest, but my dad might read this or something, ew.) Once I was married I thought, "Dang, when Christ returns it will be so beautiful, but I really want to be a mom first." Since having a son, it was "yea great, except I want to see Lyric marry a ballar woman of God first."

Recently, with all the current events and happenings of this generation, I have found myself thinking "Where can we go? Where can we move that will shelter Lyric from all this?" and then...boom. This longing feeling, its for home. Home. Then last week during worship it really hit me. And no, I can't even tell you what song or what prayer or what scripture changed my heart.

If marriage is a tangible picture here on earth of the marriage between Christ and the church, then why am I so eager to wait and see Lyric take part in the knock-off? It will be a happy day when Christ comes back for us, but it will be exponentially more beautiful seeing Lyric join the bridegroom. I'm so thankful for this insight, but a little sad that it took becoming a parent to see. Being a mom has given me this new and fresh desire for whats best instead of what feels best. This new gift of insight about the coming of Christ is just that, a gift; but its also a challenge to seek the perfect will of God for myself, not just for my children. (those born and yet to be born)

Thanks for letting me be honest.