Dear, New Parent

Is it just my “news” feed or has there been a humungous baby boom over the past few months? It seems like everyday there is another newborn and new parents to congratulate! That’s awesome. But with all the newness that comes with adding a member to your family….there are a lot of new things that parents just had no idea were waiting for them.  Alright, listen…no I mean….LIST-EN. This blog is meant to be wholly and completely ENCOURAGING.  I refuse….REFUSE…to take a stance or use this blog as a platform for my personal convictions to become some sort of judgment on other parents. After much much soul searching and conviction over the past 4 years I can honestly tell you that I DO NOT CARE HOW YOU BIRTH OR FEED YOUR CHILD. When I say “I don’t care” I mean I don’t publically or privately concern myself with your family’s decisions. I do care very much in the sense that a wonderful thing has happened in your life and I can’t wait to hear all about it as a friend. And I’m so happy that you found what works best for your family, that is indeed an exciting discovery! Now you that you know what this post is not, let’s get into what exactly this blog is.

Mommies and Daddies of new children,

Congratulations! I know you are so so overwhelmed by the love that just swelled out of your heart and all over your life recently. Whether this is your first baby or your fifth, whether your child came by way of biology or by adoption, whether your new child is a baby or a walking, talking, child with a mind of their own, life as you knew it has turned upside down! There are three things that I want to say to you, with my whole heart. First, even though you are totally overwhelmed by love you are probably also overwhelmed by the total recall of your old routines and lifestyle. It is ok and normal to feel those conflicting emotions! It isn’t selfish to miss the freedom and sleep that isn’t readily available to you right now. Now that you are a parent you will forever live in this vortex of tension and conflicting emotions and desires. The vortex is your home now, embrace it. Seriously though, learn to live with a balance of continual sacrifice and continual blessing. And it is a balance, because if you martyr yourself for the sake of giving your child everything, you will find yourself at a breaking point and your child spoiled with an entitled view of life. If you continue to treat yourself as #1 and treat your children as accessories for your life, you’ll miss out and raise defeated children who chase love from other people because they grow tired of seeking it from you. Learn to accept the balancing act. You will come to count the minutes until bedtime and hold your breath until they sleep, but then you’ll sneak in their room and risk it all just to kiss their adorable little sleepy cheeks. The more you welcome the tension (versus fight it), the more content you will be. But all of us out here in the world of mommies and daddies know what you are feeling and we have all felt the same way! Becoming a mom or dad is a huge adjustment! Continue to nurture your marriage and your relationship with God, secure in the fact that strength from those relationships will propel you as a new parent. Do not ever fool yourself into believing that cutting corners in your walk with God or your spouse will give you more time or energy to be a parent.

My second piece of advice is this (mainly for mommas): DO NOT allow yourself to get sucked into pinterest, instagram, and facebook. Social media and the like have been the down fall of many a mother. First of all, most of us are posting the highlights of our day. The HIGHlights, not the low moments, not the boring moments—the best moments. Don’t compare yourself to that junk. Comparison is TOXIC. Listen to the women and married couples in your life that you love and respect, but don’t go on an unending search for the approval of all your friends. Trust me, living for others is exhausting and joy-stealing. Don’t read peoples rants online about the best yada yada and the only way to do so&so. People have been having kids and screwing it up for a very very long time. You know who got it right though? Yep. The one and only perfect parent-child relationship is the one we observe between God and Jesus. By grace we are invited in to receive the perfect Father in God, but we are far from perfect sons. “And from his fullness we have received grace upon grace.” (John 1:16) Walk in light and enjoy the richness of a life spent knowing Jesus. Continually come to the table for grace upon grace and you will be satisfied.

My third little tid bit to impart is simply this: You will sleep again. It does get easier. I promise. We’ve been there!

When All You've Got Is Jesus

  

When your drained and running on fumes, and the days are long and the winter is cold. Sometimes in those moments Jesus is all there is. When your spouse is crashing down from the week and your crawling out of this week’s pit, there isn’t a lot you can do for each other but hope to meet somewhere in the middle. When the kids are being kids and swinging on your mood swings, the patience runs thin and the energy is low. When the sunset is dull and the coffee is inadequate, then excitement is trampled and survival is the goal. When “run down” and “worn” and “thin” and “empty” are the only adjectives in your mind, where do you go from there?

In those moments, I’ve found myself thinking  “I guess Jesus is what I’ve got today.” I think that to myself as if it’s a bad sign, as if on the days where all I’ve got is Jesus—I’m defeated. But He answers me sweetly “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30, ESV)

In Jesus all needful things are laid up for you. Then enjoy your continual allowance. Never go hungry while the daily bread of grace is on the table of mercy.  ~C.H. Spurgeon

When all you’ve got is Jesus, you’ve got quite a lot.

Stories: Garlic, Butter, and Marriage

Last night I used a spoonful of minced garlic for dinner. As soon as the garlic hit the hot skillet, I was taken back to the kitchen of the house I grew up in.

“Ok, alright. You’re leaving now? Ok, see you in a minute. Love you.” My mom hung up the phone and almost simultaneously opened the fridge and pulled out a jar of minced garlic. She started heating up the blue skillet with the wobbly handle, which I think was probably ceramic? I’m not sure, I just know the thing was probably older than I was. She pulled out the butter and generously put two or three tablespoons straight into the pan to melt. Then went in a spoonful or two of garlic. She stood there stirring it all around and around and hollered out “Girls, make sure the front of the house looks good. Daddy had a hard day!” I’m sure we reacted reluctantly. Then I came through the front study into the kitchen and saw my mom sautéing and staring into space.

“What’s for dinner?”

“I’m trying to decide.” My mom answered with her lips pressed together with her head tilted back, like when she is trying to remember something.

“But you’re cooking it now.” It seems like when a person is two steps into the cooking process, they know where they are going with it, right?

“Well I’m just heating up this garlic and butter so that it smells good.”

“What? Why?”

“Because Dad loves the smell of garlic and butter cooking when he comes home. It’s like a comfort smell or something. But he likes it so when he has a bad day, I do the garlic first and then I figure out what we are having with it.”

And that friends, was my first big lesson in marriage. That’s what love looks like over time. Love that lasts through triumph and trials knows when to heat up the garlic. I’m not sure if my dad ever knew that my mom did that. I’m not even sure if my mom realizes that she does it either. But every time I smell garlic slowly sautéing in a sea of butter, I think about my parents. 

MOVE: My New Best Friend

“Today I marry my best friend and love of my life!”

We’ve probably all said that or heard it. For me, the latter was absolutely true on the day of our wedding. Austin was and still is the love of my life. And while at the time, I thought of him as my best friend, the reality was that Austin was one of my best friends. I spent most of my time with him, he was the only one I cried in front of, he both challenged and encouraged me, I trusted him, I loved sharing adventures with him, I could totally be myself both serious and silly. But he still wasn’t my BEST friend. Of all of my friends he was not the one and only best. The truth was, I withheld most of my spiritual life from him and almost never worked through conflict openly and honestly with my husband. I shared my spiritual life freely with my journal and a couple of my best girlfriends, and only when I absolutely had to with Austin. (I know you are wondering why not? We will get to that.) When there were issues or conflict that needed to be addressed between Austin and I, I would communicate through them with perfect clarity….again to my girlfriends. Once I had talked it through with the one or two gal pals I trusted, I would feel great. I had resolved why I felt angry or hurt and what I hoped would be different in the future…all with a friend who had absolutely nothing to do with that conflict. There was only one little problem…nothing was being resolved between my husband and me.

Two major things changed that have taken my husband from being among my best friends, to standing far above them as my very best friend, soul mate, and kindred spirit. This major transition has enriched our marriage with more unity, peace and joy than I ever imagined and certainly more than I ever knew was missing.

I became very convicted that by not sharing my spiritual life with Austin I was not allowing myself to be completely vulnerable and transparent with him. And for me that’s what both issues came down to by the way, good ole vulnerability. (I still kind of cringe at the word…but I’ve come a long way.) My lack of vulnerability, transparency, and ultimately trust; seeped over into other areas (why it was awkward for me to compliment him or why I felt like my walk with the Lord was inexplicably stagnant, just to name a couple). Without sharing the convictions, confessions, and praises of my life with the one whom I promised to love and live with every single day, I put up walls with the one person I should have been sharing the deepest fellowship with. I could tell you that all the sudden I just changed the way I functioned and it rocked…but that would be a lie. What really happened was that I forced myself to share spiritual things with Austin and when I did I felt totally awkward and stupid. But Austin noticed and was so sweet and always listened and encouraged me and never made me regret it. Over time it became more natural, it still isn’t always the easiest thing for me, but I mean it was a transition not a complete rewire.

I think the hugest (yep hugest) part of the transition from having several besties to my one best friend (Austin) and several close girlfriends, was the way that I communicated with Austin about us. I think that this part is the most important part because this is a change that many married and especially young married couples neglect. I know we did. The reason communicating through issues was so difficult was because all the communicating was going from me to a girlfriend and then only occasionally making its way to Austin in bits and pieces. I was still able to keep up walls, instead of letting them down and being honest with him, not to mention taking ownership for my own shortcomings. I trusted my girlfriends, and since they were newlyweds as well they understood. It genuinely makes me sad to recall the way that I would talk about Austin, never totally trashing him, but just painting him as someone I was opposed to rather than fighting along side of. It was kind of like, my girlfriends were on my side and we were all just trying to struggle through the early times of our marriage and sometimes that meant struggling against our husbands. I think those times with my friends always came from a good place, but not a mature or biblical place. Don’t get me wrong, marriage, especially early on, is hard and you don’t always feel like you and your spouse get along perfectly or conflict in the most healthy way—but that is something you should grow through as a couple. It took us moving across the country and me losing accessibility to all my gal pals, for me to learn this. The learning curve became much shorter when I literally did not have anyone else but Austin. I’m so thankful that God changed our path. We had been married two and half years and the way were going was working…kinda…for that short period of time, but in the long run we were setting ourselves up for failure. I’ve seen ONLY benefits of keeping issues about us between us. (There does come a time when using a mediator is necessary for some, but we have to learn to keep things open between husband and wife first and then to bring a helper into the scene when your at an impasse and need some wise counsel as a couple.) If you are like me, you still need your time to cool down and process and reflect, but the next step is vital. Things really changed for me when I made my next step communicating and reconciling with Austin with a soft heart. I love how things have changed between us. There is nothing that I avoid talking about with Austin because everything is open and we are totally united. He knows what things are hardest for me in our marriage and what things I’m strongest in. He knows when I’m hurt and challenges me when I start to shut down. No matter how much I love my close girl friends, no advice or understanding they offered could ever compare to the oneness I share with Austin. I still talk about our marriage with my friends, but it is just so much better to talk about things that are resolved and out in the open with Austin. Everything is prioritized correctly and given the right role in my life, and it feels so great. It’s so freeing!

If you find yourself dying to talk with a girlfriend about all your “issues,” I want to encourage you to take whatever steps you have to take to reverse that pattern. When your spouse truly truly is your best friend, you will be amazed how much better your entire marriage is. Go shopping or out to coffee or get a pedi with your girlfriends…that’s what they are for…but save all the intimate and personal stuff for your one and only beloved.

His mouth is most sweet, 

and he is altogether desirable.

This is my beloved and this is my friend,

O daughters of Jerusalem.

Song of Solomon 5:16 ESV

Move: Let's not break up after all

For those of you who might have noticed that I started writing more often and regularly only to completely disappear…let me explain. After reading another blog and being totally disappointed and saddened by the disregard of holiness and biblical marriage (headship of men and submission of women done biblically) I was a little a lot turned off by all things blog—including my own blog. I had a bad taste in my mouth from what I had found out in the blogosphere. It doesn't really make sense, and to say the least I was throwing the baby out with the bath water.  After I told him I was done with blogging, my husband pointed something out to me —he challenged me to be spurred on by the things I disagree with (and especially those that the Bible disagrees with) not to be defeated by them.  I love sharing the truths that God is revealing to me both through His word and through hard life lessons. So I will not be abandoning the blog after all! Which leads me to introduce to you the next blog series on Bird In A Tree!

Move: life changes, so do you.

Having young children has begun to mean that the only constant (besides nap time) is change. As soon as one kid sleeps soundly through the night another one starts having nightmares, one kid can safely eat peanut butter (all you moms totally know that I'm talking about) while the other can't even have cows milk yet. It's a juggling act, and I have lots and lots of transitions and changes and adjustments waiting for me in the future. Recently though I was thinking about all the transitions I have been through in the past five years and frankly I find myself wondering how I fit so much into such a short period of time! Move is a series about transition; about the changes we face in life, both the voluntary and the involuntary. Regardless of whether we chose the transition we are facing or if it was thrust upon us, we have to grow and change with it. I'm so excited to reflect on changes I've made it through and ones that I'm still moving through now. Follow Bird In A Tree and keep watch on your blog reel/roll/reader for the first installment of MOVE.

And baby makes 4! (or 5, or more!)

I'm flattered to announce that I have been awarded a Liebster blog award! It is an informal nomination from other bloggers, but one I will gladly accept. I now have to nominate 3 blogs under 3,000 followers that I would like to nominate for the Liebster, so be looking for that at the end of this post. 

On the heels of my blog posts about our unexpected third pregnancy, I thought this would be a great time to write about the transition from one kid to multiple kids. I'm sure I'll have even more to say on the subject after Fletcher joins us at home. For now I mainly wanted to touch on some practical things, but lots of emotional elements of adding kids too. I can't tell you how many of my friends (both real and through social media) are pregnant, adopting, or looking to foster their second child.  For those of my friends coming up on their due dates its a time filled with emotions both happy and sad, nervous and excited. This time last year, I was so ready to have Lily, I wanted to meet her so badly, I was so excited to have a little girl, and anticipating seeing Lyric in his role as big brother. At the same time I was nervous because I was afraid that somehow by bringing a new baby home I would not have as much attention for Lyric or love for Lily. I was sad that my special time with Lyric was ending and I thought our relationship would never be the same. I did realize that Lyric, by being the first born, was the only kid who would ever know what it was like not to share me with any siblings. Some of the things that helped me with the transition were things that other moms helped me see, some things that God gave me to live by, and some things that I just picked up along the way. Because this post is specifically written for those of you who already have at least one kiddo, I’ll do it in outline form. ;)

Great Expectations- Setting realistic expectations is the key to embracing most big changes in life, as you know if you have been married for longer than a few months. Use your mind, not your emotions. Don’t let Pinterest set the standard for your expectations. Let God’s word and character shape the desires of your heart. Expect to be emotional for a bit, expect there to be at least a little chaos, expect “survival mode” and not much more. If you are one of those moms who can still cook and clean and bring a newborn into the family, great for you. Most of us aren’t that mom, most of us will survive and in a few weeks/months we will return to thriving in a state of routine and a resemblance of order in our homes.

The Beloved Firstborn(s)- I think a lot of us get scared, nervous, and overly sentimental about the last months, weeks, and days we have to pour out all our love and attention on our first little ones (if you are wondering about the plural nature of these first ones, its for my girl Camie and all you mommies of twins) Even preparing for our third born I find myself a little torn over wishing I had more time to get to know Lily and excitement to welcome Fletcher to our fold. But the truth is, that even though you will be distracted in the first week or two, you will very quickly acclimate and have just as much attention and love for your older child. If you are a little sad because you are afraid things will never be the same, you are right. Life will never ever be the same it WILL be better. As much chaos as there has been, as many bad days, as many times as I’ve had two crying little ones on my hands…I have never ever wished for the way things used to be. (And don’t worry, the bad days are still far out numbered by good days!) Our family is so much better and richer and complex and laughy and silly and deeper because of Lily. And honestly, your oldest will also always be the furthest developed, and as a result will still get tons of your attention and play time. Plus, just remember the only child who ever knows what its like not to share you is the firstborn. All the other kids to come won’t even know that reality, its more normal to share you than not to. (Unless you only have one kid, in that case…why are you still reading this post? …I tease…but seriously)

“How will I do it?”- I think that every mom bringing home a newbie asks herself this question, regardless of how many she has brought home before. This is a question that pops into my mind sporadically. Well honestly, with this current pregnancy being such a shock, this question was just about the only thing on my mind for the first two months. I’ve dealt with it, but it still sneaks in every once in awhile. Just remember, there was a time in your life when you didn’t know how to be a spouse, there was a time when you didn’t know how to do pregnancy or birth or adoption, there was a time when you didn’t know what to do with a baby/toddler/kid—but it worked out, and it is probably still working itself out. When this question was swirling around my head on nights that I couldn’t sleep I thought that I had to have an actual answer. Then one day someone asked me in all seriousness how we were going to do it…that was when I realized, there is not an answer you can give yourself or anyone else. The answer is—we will give ourselves grace, take advice of those who have gone before (with a tablespoon of salt), and we will have faith that God planned this for our family so He will direct our paths and sustain us to walk it.

Should I Stay or Should I Go- Sometimes you need to hunker down and know that a bigger family sometimes means more limitations. You can’t get out and do stuff as easily as you could with no kids, or one, etc etc. But just as there are times when you need to just say no and stay home, the opposite also applies. Sometimes I catch myself feeling down for no reason and to top it off the kids are grumpy and awnry. Then I realize…oh yea we haven’t left the house in four days! That’s when we make a play date, or go to Chickfila, or Target, or the park or library. Sometimes, your house starts to close in on you, then its time to get outta there! After the first month Lily was born, I was ready to be a little more active and the kids needed something too. So I loaded up the double stroller and twice a day went on a 30-minute walk. It was great for me and wonderful for them. It wasn't always easy, but so worth it!

Mommies, the biggest thing I can emphasize is this: Don’t listen to others when they say “wow you’ll be busy!” or “yea now just imagine this [tantrum, shopping, really any activity] with one more kid!” or “yea it will be really hard for awhile, but one day you’ll be glad.” Do listen to your husband and your kids. Commit to turning to God’s word before you turn to any other book or blog for help. Stay near to the one who created your growing family; you don’t need to be anxious. Everything else will work itself out.

I feel that to be really honest I should share that this blog took a few days to write, because…well sometimes I had to stop writing and read my advice back to myself ;)

So I am supposed to nominate blogs with less than 3,000 followers. I can't do that. What I will do is share my favorite favorite blogs in my feed:

http://www.babywisemom.com
http://morninggrunge.wordpress.com
http://notyetfully.blogspot.com

You Forget

You forget. Once you are in love with someone. You forget everything. You forget how much it hurt, it physically ached, not to be with them in love. How the most romantic stories or movies or books, made you feel miserable. The way I couldn't breath when you stood close to me. The way I was constantly looking for you in the room, even without realizing it. You forget how hard you pray that this will end or that it will begin--and you honestly don't know which you want more. Somehow if I could just keep you for me or lose you altogether I would be better off. You forget how much you hated to love. You forget how the whole world watched and waited, at least it felt that way. I forget all of that because being with you is the realization of every dream I didn't know I had and some of the ones I did. Because it is that wonderful. Because every day feels like I always wanted it to.

Sadie Hawkins Spring 2006

At Some Point I Waved Farewell to "Normal"

Today I am twenty five, but in two days I will be twenty six. But not really, well really, but not. My birthday has been moved to Monday this year. Being a wife and a mom, rescheduling my birthday has become totally normal. The first time I hated it, I shouldn't have to reschedule my one special day! Now, its no big thing. And to top it off, Saturdays are my least favorite day of the week so it all works out. My husband is home for the morning (favorite part) and we have family time, but then he leaves at lunch time for work and comes back after all is said and done with the Saturday night service at our church, usually by 7:15ish. It's not the longest day of the week, but it's my least favorite because it's so broken up that it feels like three different days all squeezed into one long day. I hate taking the kids out on Saturdays because everything is so crowded. So..it's suffice to say that I am just fine with moving my birthday to beloved Monday. Monday is Austin's day off and everyone else is at work and we have practically no waits, no lines, no worries....the world is our oyster. When all my facebook friends are complaining about having a case of the Mondays, I'm happy as a lark. In this stage of life, I've learned that I will just be happier if you can be flexible and adjustable while still being responsible and structured. It's all about balancing expectations. It used to seem so weird and wrong to not have a normal Friday night to Sunday night weekend, it used to seem unfair to reschedule my birthday, one baby used to seem like so much work. Our life is kinda crazy, kinda weird, and kinda the perfect representation for us. Structured, but not the typical way. 

Now, how do I hide this blog post from myself on those days that I want normalcy?

A loves K

If you're like me, before you're married you want the man you love to love you for your heart first, then your brains, then your body. That's great, that's how he should love you. But after having two kids, I couldn't have been happier with the list of "why I love you"'s that Austin spontaneously listed for me on a lazy Mother's Day sunday afternoon. Numbers 1-11 were all physical and I couldn't have been happier. The remaining 9 were deeper than surface level and held much more meaning, and I love those too--don't get me wrong. I still want my husband to love my heart and brains...but...

Dear Katy Wells,
When you wonder if you will love your future life with Austin as much as you have loved your adventures together so far--you will love the future more than you can comprehend and the adventures won't slow down, but they will change. When you wonder if he will love your dreams and take them on as his own and chase them with you--he will. When you feel like you don't have a talent to call your own, he'll help you discover it. And--this one is important--when you take for granted that he even thinks your ponytail is cute...stop and thank the Lord that he loves the way you look now and he will still love the way you look a little down the road and I'm sure he will way way down the road too. You have a good one. A really good one. 


Sincerely,
Katy TULLOS

Please have a laugh at my expense, please

So if I have to be in total annoyance and discomfort because our daughter refuses to get a move on....I'm going to share a story about it! (And no...I'm not past my due date, I still have two days before I hit week 40 but I'm not good at waiting!)

So first of all I need to give mad props to Hannah Slay, this girl brought over Chili's queso and salsa with a 12 pack of decaf Dr Pepper yesterday for a Galentines day of sorts while our hubbies worked. It was fabulous. A pregnant woman literally could not ask for more. While I was shuffling in the queso I told her where I'm at. I think this sentence pretty much sums it up for me. "Literally every moment that I'm not in labor I'm annoyed." Those who know me know that I tend to be "animated" (as I like to call it) or "dramatic" (as some of you like to call it). Either way I am still happy at the core and very joyful...but also...I mean come on...its annoying to wait! It's especially annoying when you are tormented by the memory of labor and delivery being the most painful and difficult thing you have ever done, but also excitement of the best reward and the highest high on Earth when your child is "out."

So the second thing you need to know is that Austin, my amazing husband, has become quite the sleep talker/mover in the last 9 months. Maybe its a sympathy thing? I'm pretty positive I'm the one who is supposed to have weirdness when sleeping. Anyway, about a week ago Austin had this very sudden "twitch" or something in his sleep and I guess his hands were over his head and he hit our headboard so hard. I woke up terrified and he immediately calmed me down and explained that it was him. In that moment when my heart was racing more than it has in the past 7 months (give or take) I thought to myself "good grief I think I might get scared into labor." But alas...we were not so lucky.

So...last night Austin passed out asleep on the couch (something which I should disclose...NEVER happens) so we headed to bed early. Since I wasn't too sleepy (and still annoyed that another day had passed, but really happy because one of my best friends did get to welcome her baby boy into the world) I killed time playing on my phone---ouch...ouch...dude my belly is rock hard---ouch....ahhh, relief. WAIT! That was a contraction! Started in my back and moved forward-check. Started gradually and got worse and then tapered off-check. Lasted about two minutes-check. Rock hard uterus-check. HALLELUJAH! I'll wait for one more before I start writing down times. tick tock tick tock...18 minutes later--ouch ouch...rock hard belly...ouch...relief. YES. 10:18pm. Eighteen minutes of "flood it" games on my phone later...ouch ouch-rock hard...ouch...ahh. YES. Then only ten minutes...then I started drifting to sleep. I was so tired, and I knew that the next one would wake me up and until then I really needed to rest. It took me ten minutes to settle my mind down and fall asleep again...but by that point I was so tired that I didn't fully realize that since I wasn't in another contraction yet, I was probably not going to be. Anyway, after finally falling asleep after listening to Austin sleeping so peacefully for over an hour....I was dead asleep and then ...OUCH! But no. NO. Not that kind of ouch. The kind of ouch where someone just punched me in the butt. I thrash my head very dramatically to look at Austin and he is still sleeping. Ok, this is ridiculous, but I guess he is sleep...punching or something. Whatever. Close my eyes....OUCH...another punch and then "BOO!"
Yea "boo"...are you freaking kidding me?! You are really doing that whole if-I-like-you-I'll-be-mean-to-you-flirting...in your sleep?? Oh Austin. I sit up and say "What....(dramatic pause) are you doing? Wake up." Austin (as cute and innocently as can be) "I'm scaring you into labor." Me: "Are you awake? You had better not be awake." No response. (I should add that it is typical for him to respond with something ridiculous in the moment and then not remember at all in the morning and think the whole ordeal is hilarious.) Me: "You had best not remember this in the morning." (aka you better be sleeping, cause that and only that can save you.)

Words cannot describe how mad I was. And of course this morning my sweet husband tells me good morning and offers to bathe Lyric for me. First, I take him up on it and tell him good morning. Then I ask if he remembers last night. Of course he doesn't. And once again he thinks it's hilarious. He then proceeds to blame me, that perhaps I dreamed it. But then incriminates himself by adding "that's weird though cause a couple of times before bed I thought about trying that while we were watching TV."

I don't know if anyone out there can relate to this waiting game, or if anyone thinks that this is remotely funny. But it is ridiculous, so I had to share it. Please get a good chuckle out of our ridiculous-ness. And if you have any labor inducing tips...use the comment box!

Relate, never anyone but you

I am filled with love and gratitude about today's particular relate blog post, the relationship I share with my beloved husband. It being Monday, I am especially sentimental (for those of you who don't have our family schedule memorized...Monday is our only full day "off" as a family). We spent this morning the way we spend most Monday mornings, going to our favorite breakfast place and playing with Lyric. I don't know what it is like to be married to someone who doesn't like their kids, but I frankly can't imagine it. I can't imagine not seeing both of my guys glowing with love and playfulness on our den floor in the early mornings and evenings. I love the rhythm of our family. I love every minute of it. Even more, I love that when our rhythm is jolted and jerked by unexpected heartbreaks or unforeseen changes I love that I can literally bawl my eyes blurry on my husband's shoulder and he won't even comment on the mascara (both on his shirt and ALL over my face). I love that we can spend an entire day putting a massive dent in the couch and our netflix que, but that any moment we can go on a long bike ride or talk or write or clean together. I love that we both love to make people laugh. I love that we both love to dream. I love that we both love having friends in our home, especially cooking for them. I love that we both confess secret thoughts and desires with "I would never say this to anyone but you..." I love that I have a best friend who will call me out (in private) if I'm out of line. I love that Austin locks all our doors and turns off all the lights before bed. I love that Austin makes his mind up about something and does what it takes to make it happen.  I love that he loves the Lord, I love that he teaches me about the Lord, and I love that he leads our family biblically. I just love him. He is my favorite person.

Getaway--The First Easter Blog

Fresh off a getaway to Chicago with my wonderful husband this morning feels amazing. The best thing about getting away is that reality does not feel quite so realistic. Something about being away and out of your normal environment brings clarity. It's like being in an airplane and looking at your life. You can see everything where it really is and how it all fits together.

At least for me, just as wonderful as getting away, coming home is equally rejuvenating. Today is not really any different from any other day for a SAH (stay at home), but something about it seems special and beautiful. Breakfast with Lyric and going to the Y--it seems so adventurous. It seems so new.

That is why Easter feels so different for me. It's why Easter is my favorite. Because it is a celebration of newness. New life, new creation, new promises, new hope.

Quick Updates

Sometimes I love to blog about deep and reflective things, and sometimes I just want to talk about our life. This is one of those times. Austin's parents are here visiting us on their trip to Virginia for IMB training before they leave for Serbia in January. They got here on Friday evening and are staying until Thursday. Since they would be here for awhile, we decided this would be a perfect time for Austin and I to have our first night away. We were blessed with one night at Sofitel Hotel in downtown Chicago, which was AMAZING! We ate dinner at Ra, a small sushi joint, enjoyed a quick and tasty breakfast (possibly the best omlette I've ever had) at Tempo Cafe, went shopping at H&M for winter clothes, and then had a marvelous lunch at Uncle Julios (the first legit mexican food we have had since leaving Texas). We had such a wonderful time, there is nothing better than being married to your best friend. Lyric did great with his grandparents who treated him to a shopping trip for warm clothes! Having fun is exhausting, waiting for Lyric to have his next feeding is killing me; I'm ready for bed now!

A.T. + K.T. Forever

I truly believe I am a part of the most
epic
beautiful
defying all odds
weak in the knees
movie montage
love is a drug
fun
best friend
I rarely have to confide in my journal cause I have you instead
soundtrack inspiring

romances of all time.

And I deeply believe that I will always feel this way.