So here’s the thing. As a blanket statement, I would have
told you that I vowed never to write one of those blog posts that is an “open
letter,” or “here’s what you need to know about [fill in the blank], or generally angry posts. As a generality I
get the vibe that some of those authors just need to go have a real
conversation with a few real people and not air their junk for the
world. I thought about that exact thing as I felt compelled to write this
particular post. And when I questioned myself about who I needed to have this
particular conversation with I was able to come up with a short list….of people
who I knew I did not have to have this conversation with. Which
shows me that this is really a wide ranged cultural issue, not the personal
offense of a few in my own personal
life.
I don’t even know how to start this. My instinct on this
subject is to go guns blazing. I’ll start by explaining what I’m talking about.
I’m talking about the r-word. Using the word retard or retarded to refer to
something or someone as “less than.” And while we are at, throw in all jokes
about special needs, short buses, and special olympics.
So now you know what on earth I’m speaking about. Let’s jump
in.
Using the r-word to convey that you think something is
stupid or dumb is the worst possible choice. What is the most upsetting is that
it’s socially acceptable. I’ve heard the kindest people, the closest friends,
the smartest people, and people who say they love the people Jesus loves…all
use this word. I’ve seen people use this word so much and so often, and that it
is so engrained in their vocabulary, that they will even say it in front of a
person with special needs. If you don’t see the problem, then let me ask you
this…Have you EVER heard that term used in reference to a compliment? Picture
the times you have said it or heard it said. What was the context?
Now here is where we will take a little time out. A little
pause for clarification. There are two groups/contexts that this word is
commonly being used.
Context #1: Using the
word retard to describe a person who has some type of disability or apparent
difference
Context #2: Using the
word retard or retarded as a synonym for “stupid, dumb, or ridiculous”
To the people of
context #2: You should feel ashamed of yourself and your actions.
I know that seems harsh, and it is. But using cheap and derogatory
language to target a person or group is far more harsh. Using hurtful language
about a group of people who (as a group) are not capable to defend much less
retaliate…is shameful. For most of us, there are two prevalent reasons for
avoiding minority slurs. The first and hopefully foremost reason for not using
slurs is because it is hurtful and wrong. The second reason is that we know
that in most cases, we won’t get away with it (and shouldn’t) because that
group or individuals from that group will make sure that our bad behavior is
corrected. But who is coming after those who degrade citizens with special
needs? Who makes sure that when you make a joke about a short bus, you regret
it? No one is afraid that people with special needs will lash out with the full
force of their time, people, and resources…Why? Because some people in this
group are dependent on caretakers and some people in this group aren’t capable
of taking on that fight on their own. It kind of dissolves that “fear of
retaliation” thing. So it’s time for us
to get offended. It’s time for those of us who stand beside those who live with special needs to get
offended. My biggest regret is
that I never said the words “That’s wrong,” and “you can’t spend time in my
home if that word will be a part of your vocabulary,” and “that word is
hurtful,” and “I don’t care if you meant
it like that.” I wish I had let the offense sink in more than the awkwardness
of confrontation. So from now on, I’m just gonna get awkward and do the right
thing.
I wanted to write a blog that was so smart, that had the
strongest reasoning and debate. I wanted you to see past my personal motives
and hear the call to live rightly. I wanted this to circulate and raise
awareness. But the truth is, this word has hurt my family and me and it’s
insulted my sister and so many others. If you need some big in depth
explanation for why the r-word isn’t “PC,” then you should really think about
what that says about you as person. If the simple fact that this word hurts others
isn’t enough for you…then I’m not even mad. I pity you. I’m disappointed over
your lack of care for your fellow man. And I’m sad in the life you miss out on
by not caring for others outside yourself.
So let's change our language. Let's love all our fellow men and women. Let's call ourselves and our friends to a higher standard.
